I have heard that in the African American world, because of so much racism that they had to deal with, many in retaliation pampered their sons. So much so, that if one committed a crime, it was brushed under the carpet, if they said something wrong it was overlooked. If they didn't want to pursue higher education because of "the system" it was understood. If they didn't want others 'snitching' to the police, it was accepted. Eventually, those same guys realized they could do no wrong. And as some children will do when they are left without borders, these guys went all out!
Now you have rap music -which I used to love- that used to recount hilariously invented stories about some kid getting caught sneaking off to a party with friends or the likes -now its about black women in the most derogatory name calling imaginable! Hip hop -which also started pretty parve- is now (de)evolving into .....crunk?
There are many good black men still out there, waving their flags and doing their best. I know a few. They are good loyal fathers and husbands. Deep thinkers, Dedicated workers, business owners, entreprenuers, etc.
But the state of the black community in general is at a point of crisis.
What does that have to do with the Jewish community?
For whatever reason, many in the chareidi world are taught that they must be in kolel. Kolel is a place of learning for married men. All day, they learn. That is a great and noble venture! But its only great if you have the capacity to learn like that. And its only great if people are SELECTED for their learning skills to be there, not that EVERYONE must be in kolel. Many can not just sit and learn all day. Many do not want to! Many, out of social pressure are quite reluctant to go out and work --even if their family needs it. Those who do go and work are so looked down upon.
The wife is expected to be the mother, run the house, work -work enough to support everything, be a wife (a job of its own!) all this while the men simply sit comfortably and learn.
What kind of guys are we creating? Are they becoming Torah giants or loafing about because they feel 'stuck'? Will they take out their frustration elsewhere? On the seemingly all-powerful wife? If they are not great learners, do they feel a lack of responsibilities? Does it bother them? And if they are not great learners or THE GREATEST learner, will the wife still respect him? Will those who feel shame, disrespect their wives?
Now more and more, I'm hearing stories of women getting their clothes sprayed on because someone thought it was not modest enough. I heard of one lady who's car tires was slashed because of her garments. Women getting literally beaten on buses because they are expected to go to the back so the men won't have to look at them (and have unclean thoughts). They are responded to in rude fashion, if they -even older ladies now, -dare question the back-of-the-bus policy.
As a person who's been from one "black" community to another, I wish I could help my Jewish brothers and sisters watch their step so that they don't end up a different version of my previous 'black community'. Ladies, don't become enablers and mammies in an attempt to appear overly righteous. Guys don't styfle yourselves if what you want to pursue is according to halachah -even if its not sitting all day and learning.
I, too, want my son to become a talmid chacham /a wise Torah scholar. But should he choose work in conjunction with learning, he should not have to bear it with shame.
I dunno. I worry.