Live from Israel

Durbin

2011-07-14T22:00:00.001-07:00

Perhaps Jewish Women Who Wear Shaytels/Wigs

2009-02-20T00:21:00.000-08:00

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Well, we can economize by using a certain type of weave. There seems to be a certain type of weave that can serve as hair covering AND as a bullet proof helmet!

(hat tip: Aunt Jemima's Revenge)

Every Mitzvah

2009-02-09T23:11:00.000-08:00

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Let every mitzvah ona does count in the merit of bringing the reigns of moshiach, to bring rain, peace, etc.

If I Could

2009-01-22T10:28:00.000-08:00

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Though I don't have much blogging time, I so wish I could list all the various miracles that have happened in the past few days.

I recently went on a blog, and on it someone was joking about some miracle. Ha ha. My heart swelled. If only they knew miracles did happen. I feel that if I put them out, I'd be regarded as crazy, but I know what I've seen. And much has been said.

The most recent of all was the "lady in black" who, each time the Israeli troops attempted to enter a house to search for Hamastans, she would appear and beg them not to enter the house. This happened about three times. (the beautiful part -the part that won't get reported, is the compliance of these soldiers who allowed this mysterious lady to pull at their heartstrings! What if it was a trick?!)

Only afterwards they realized that those houses were boobytrapped. I'd like to know how they figured that out. But it seems this is one of the many miracles that was confirmed.

Another one, is that every time a rocket is shot at Israeli towns, the sirens go off and people run to various designated protective sites. Well, the last rocket that got launched just before the cease fire -no sirens rang! Luckily for that because the rocket landed right on one of those protective sites - no one was there. One lady who was nearby got injured.

This is a wake up call!

We are not at war with Hamas. We are in an internal spiritual war. People will struggle and struggle and try to find out who is to blame, why is Israel x, and what is Palestinians y. No. Those things are irrelevant. Fixing ourselves internally will sort its way outwardly and fix our outwards situations. I know this sounds crazy. This messages it meant more for the sloven believers who need a stirring.

No time for hesitation!

Obama came into his presidency riding on the notion that its time for a change. Change truly IS in the air. He got it. He rode on it. Now its also up to us to ride the waves of change as well. Pull out your big guns. Your Psalms, prayer books, your good deeds, tefillin /philacteries, your acts of charity, alms. Put on your caps /tallis, you superheroes. Win the favor of God for the Holy One, Blessed be His Name, wants to be conquered.

We must try to bring peace WITH peace THROUGH peace. Let's try?

(you can read more miracles from Rabbi Brody at Lazer Beams blog)

Lakewood Venter We Miss You!!!

2008-03-26T06:36:00.000-07:00

Whatever happened, please stay strong. You probably don't have access to all your friends on the blogosphere anymore. Just giving you a shout out.

Live Life Truly. Be Happy.

Sometimes the Bandage is Simple

2008-03-25T17:14:00.001-07:00

Darfur women enjoying cooking with solar cookers! Solar cookers keep them from having to venture into the desert to find firewood. This search is usually where they end up getting raped.

Solar cookers Project

Sounds Good!

2008-03-25T16:49:00.000-07:00

Yet another good organization:

Jewish World Watch works to mobilize synagogues, their schools, their members and the community to combat genocide and other egregious violations of human rights around the world through education, advocacy, and refugee relief.

http://www.jewishworldwatch.org/

Movies That Teach

2008-03-24T03:03:00.001-07:00

Some sages teach that when its time for a certain knowledge to enter into the world, it descends. It enters the realm of "us". Then, whoever is perceptive enough will catch that idea. And those who are diligent enough will catch that idea, run with it, patent it, share it, use it to abuse others, or whatever depending on the type of person they are.

There are some other teachings that while I enjoy learning, I had a hard time trying to apply it in a practical sense. But certain movies really help to bring the idea closer to home. Those movies are:

The Matrix

The Secret

Zeitgeist

I'm sure many religions teach this, but for sure Judaism teaches that we need to "Wake up from our slumber!" And live in the present. The Now. Honestly, I am a simple person. When I was first learning Torah, I had to rely on my mathematical skills to really understand concepts such as clean vs unclean, etc. I am the kind of "slow learner", I guess, that I need my secular studies to enhance my religious studies. Funny.

Though I learned about how the imagination is a strong tool that can help us achieve phenomenal things. That was its purpose. However, wicked people are trying to direct every one's imagination to the gutter.

One of Rabbi Nachman's teachings is urging people to wrestle their power of imagination back for themselves.

These things I also found in the movie Matrix. It was exhilarating to see it played out in somewhat of a practical sense. If the spiritual world was as tangible as the Matrix was to Nero, etc. It would make for less doubt! lol

Another teaching that I've been struggling with was the fact that the mind is very powerful. So powerful, in fact, that the Torah asks us to BE Happy, or to Hate Amalek, or to do something with the emotions. I used to think, how can I control my own emotions, they just respond like an impulse to things. Now this big black book is telling me I should reign over it?!

Certain holidays we are just "expected" to become sad like in Tisha B'Av. Other holidays, like in Purim, we are expected to be cheerful. I tend to be cheerful, so those parts are not so hard. But to condition myself to be sad.... To *feel* as though I was in Egypt just as all the other Jews of way back when were..... To mourn over the Holy Temple that was destroyed...... I needed help with those.

The Secret helped. Not saying I believed everything from these movies. I only gleamed from them that which enabled me to understand my Torah better. And that movie really showed how powerful the mind could be!

The most recent movie was Zeitgeist. So much conspiracy theories abound. I can't say that I believe it or that I don't believe it. Truth is becoming a commodity in this world -people are wont to shape it as they see fit or most advantageous. Thus, its almost impossible for me to dig up for myself and know truthfully what really is. This makes me fall back on the old tradition. (It also helps me to realize why the Druze kept their religion so secret. Less eyes, less tampering, less doubt. Also less proof but, I guess that's where faith comes in). In my case, I do have a simple faith (or try to). I do believe that Moses received the Torah from God, transferred it to Joshua, who transferred it to the Elders, and so on and so on. I know that I believe in the sages for sure up to the Tannaim. After that, I admit I have doubts here and there with a few exceptions (the Vilna Gaon, Rebbi Nachman, Moshe Chaim Luzzato to name a few exceptions).

At any rate, in the movie Zeitgeist ii alleged that there is a sinister plan to unify the world -for the sake of greed. That, I almost don't doubt. Because if there is a move toward oneness, then I know God is behind it -even if he uses peoples' greed to maneuver things that way. In the end it will be good. (Nevertheless, my survival instinct makes me angry that so much lives should be wasted, and I want my own life preserved! Please God).

The movie also talked about living in the Now. A very important teaching!

The end of Zeitgeist proposed the answer of the power of love. Now isn't that what all the religions have been trying to express? What went wrong? Anyway, this is also a nice teaching but its very hard to live it practically.

I love life. I love being Jewish -being part of a stiff necked people who just never conform to things and are hated because of that. I can't help it. I pray that I learn honestly and live properly and do good. that is truly ALL.

The Awareness Center

2008-03-19T16:02:00.000-07:00

I was surfing the net and was glad to find this: The Awareness Center: a place for Jewish victims of childhood sexual abuse.

I pray they all get comfort, relief and can rise above it all w/ the help of the Torah and the inner Torah.

Defying Nature and Inspirations

2008-03-18T20:22:00.000-07:00

(this is a cross post from the black fire white fire blog)

One of the toughest jobs is to be happy. I look around and see so much hurt, so much pain, so much cruelty, greed, corruption, its very hard to be happy. It also doesn't help that I am in an intersection of two groups of people; both of which seem have parts which have been socialized to defy the natural way of things and live a lifestyle that is detrimental to themselves.

One street is the Orthodox Jewish street. Here people are encouraged to learn and learn and learn as much Torah that can fit in their heads -even cancelling or not going to doctors or dental appointments. Exercise is frowned at. But how can a whole group exist this way? I can understand if they took the best and the brightest. But to expect everyone to be like this, I don't know.

The intersecting street is the BC. Here people are encouraged to not snitch when crimes happen, young girls are left to fend themselves against grown men who know the game. Well. After years of messages denying ones self worth, some are actually buying into that propaganda.

These things are not natural!

In Judaism, there is talk and hope for the geula -the redemption. However, as some say, the individual redemption must come and then the rest will follow.

The way I see it. It is up to each one to say, this is what works for me. As long as its within the confines of living decently and not harming others, all good and well. Don't turn to see what the neighbors are doing, it just doesn't work for you.

You see, as my sister, Chaya, put it, everyone is a part of a big puzzle. But as long as we are not being natural and happy-enducing to ourselves, its like the puzzle piece is flipped upside down. Thus we can't see where we truly belong.

But if we allow ourselves, to be... OURSELVES! Then, only then, will we be truly happy and inspired. This is why it doesn't help to be jealous at a neighbor, they are a totally different puzzle piece -becoming just like them, ruins the real YOU.

One big enemy to this happiness is GROUP THINK. The act of everything thinking the same way, no disagreement, no swaying neither to the left nor to the right. That would be good in regards to the ultimate TRUTH -whatever that may be. But to follow another human being that way, not good.

When each individual can see another doing 'his own thing' and be inspired -even though its not something they themselves would do, this will help each one in their redemption process. What I mean by redemption process is their true self actualization process.

Let us BE!

Middle Eastern Natural Healing

2008-03-17T17:32:00.000-07:00

For my Jewish audience out there and anyone interested there is a natural healing blog (w/ a jewish bent) that is pretty interesting Its Jeffrey Geltman's blog.

Also, there is a site where you can read the whole Bible online. Its Mechon Mamre.

Both of these guys I consider good friends!

Can Someone Help?

2008-03-11T23:05:00.000-07:00

Can anyone tell me why must my choices be either a billy goat's milk or the hormone infested cow's milk? Billy goat's cheese or the hormone and chemically infested cow's cheese.

Isn't there the one cow, with the one farmer who keeps his cow natural and sells non- hormonal milk and cheese???

A sad day for yom kippur katan

2008-03-06T12:47:00.000-08:00

A terrorist entered a boys school and opened fire. At least 500 -600 bullets was shot before he was stopped.

STory here.

And to think I was just near there walking with my kiddlings. **shiver**

For a good take on it, here's Rabbi Brody's laser beam.

Was Moses Trippin' ?!

2008-03-04T12:46:00.000-08:00

Yet, a new take on how the Jews got the Torah. Life in Israel has the story.

Is Moshiach on His Way???

2008-03-03T16:26:00.000-08:00

Can it be? Disney is in the making of a movie with a black character! And she's not a cat, nor a dog, nor a mouse or anything such thing. She's human?! Great signs and wonders in the world? Maybe the Messiah is coming soon.... LOL

Hat tip: Tania from It's My It List

Good Lawd, the Political Gan Question

2008-02-27T22:24:00.000-08:00

All my friends and neighbors want to know. This is probably decide what side of the fence I'm on. Am I in? or am I out? (I'm probably out long ago, but didn't realize it. lol).

What gan are you sending your kids to?

Mild Rant

2008-02-17T19:23:00.001-08:00

I just saw a chilling video another blog. Apparently its not new. Its on study done with black children giving them two dolls a white one and a black one. They must chose which one they think is the "good" doll and which one is the "bad" doll. Sadly, the choice they made reflected a need for better black images.

Is it impossible to have my cake and eat it too?!

I am married to a WM. But I want my children to be happy about both their heritage. I definitely want them to be proud Jews, comfortable in their skin. Its like life is like a constant battle. Before children, I was battling it out for myself.

For myself, I wanted to be happy, with a good marriage partner. I wanted to be God-fearing, doing His Will. And I wanted to find a place to live where I can be comfortable doing the things I want to do. Most everything else, was not worth a fight (to me).

I thank God, I pretty much am there. Except for my mental battle against the "overly religious" in my neighborhood who tend to judge everyone --and nobody passes! LOL I have to fight constantly telling myself that what I am doing is within halacha (Jewish Law) even if they take things to the extreme, I don't have to feel that my apparent lenient views are any less according to the law. Aside from that battle, I am happy.

But soon after children come into the picture. *Whew!* a new battle has begun. The fight for their minds. In Israel, its a bit more different in that there is pressure to send the kids to gan (pre -pre nursery school) at the rip old age of 2 1/2! How can I influence them properly if they are out of my hands that early?!

I have kept them home -despite pressure from eeeeveryyywhere! - one advantage to having a husband who can understand and knows where your coming from. But thank God, my husband is "teachable" lol. Even now I have an almost two year old that I feel like i'm "hiding" away in my home.

But I am their only mother and so I MUST fight. Hard. I want them to have images in their lives that give them a very positive view of who they are.

I remember once my husband came home a bit shocked. I asked him what's the matter. He replied that it was very near the time to pray (Muslim men pray five times a day; Jewish men pray three times a day; women pray all the time! lol) and he didn't know where to go. So he ducked into a school for boys and prayed in there. On his way out, he saw a picture of "Moses" (they had a picture of Moses, okay?!) and in the picture he looked as European as you can possibly get, complete with old time European noblemen clothing (shtreimel and bekesha). What a shock! That they should be teaching the children that even back in Moses's days, people were Europeans.

I am so scared. I've got to look long and hard for my kids. I have to find a school with a good compromise of diversity and religiousity.

Add to that, i've got this annoying habit of meandering into racist blogs who talk about "gotta stay black!" what it means to be black, etc. I know in my mind that there is nothing to be ashamed of being black. Its a beautiful thing, despite what the media machine and all their cohorts are trying to promote. It just sometimes doesn't look like racism to me because its seemingly pro-black.

I've got to fight.

*end of rant* lol

Quick note

2008-02-16T17:47:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to mention that I am still reading Eim Habonim Smeicha. And in that book I found a quote from the Rambam stating that it is indeed a mitzvah to bring back "captive" Jews.

(that was for a response from my previously cynical post about why should we do kiruv)

New Sephardic blog in town

2008-02-06T01:17:00.001-08:00

Hey all, I'd like to introduce everyone to a new sephardic blog in town. Its Sephardic Sefari!

Looks promising. Please have a look yourself.

Spiritual Connection -- Unscrambling my Thoughts

2008-02-06T01:12:00.000-08:00

Here is basically what I meant to say in my previous post entitled "What's The Spiritual Connection"

Do you notice that almost all the fighting, violence, etc all seem to be about tzniut. That is like the main topic.

I have a crazy theory which I tried to develop in my blog, but i'm feeling Mr. Lazy taking over me. lol

Anyway, the theory is that it all fits. fighting terrorism and the threat to divy up the land - all have to do with the exile of Ishmael (i.e. their brit vs Jewish people's brit)and the who has right to the land.

Even the brit is connected to tzniut, sexual things, guarding the eye, etc.

If we are worthy of redemption, then it happens from above downwards,Hashem just gives it; if not, then it happens from downwards arousaling (us praying, fighting, whatever) causing upwards arousaling (Hashem responding)

Anyway, I'll cut it short -in case i'm not making any sense lol- I think it may be worthwhile if true thinking folks....sorry i'm not saying rabbonim (I want to have faith in them but..)if true thinking and caring folks would come up with a proper way of dealing with tzniut, guarding the brit, etc.

Right now I think its left in the hands of evil. Like evil is spilling out the good parts that it held, but we gotta know what to do with it. (basically enough defense, where's our offense).

Am I being too spiritual? Am I making sense?

Chodesh Tov!!!! Its Adar, at last!

2008-02-05T15:39:00.001-08:00

;0)

What's the Spiritual Connection?

2008-02-04T17:22:00.000-08:00

(I apologize that alot these post lately has been very refective pensive. I have got alot to think through. I hope you are enjoying it though!)

Hareidim. If you have been reading Life in Israel, Emes v'Emunah, Mother in Israel, Orthonomics, or any of the various Jewish blogs out there, you get the picture something is seriously in trouble parts of the Hareidi world.

In Ramat Beit Shemesh, there has been so much violence, its not even funny. And its not only there, it has spilled into various other neighborhoods and places as well.

Hareidim, religious Jews committing violence? It doesn't match from the ears to the brains.

I really enjoyed last year how Rabbi Lazer Brody and his emuna news would give everything a spiritual twist. I wish we had that now. Although the stakes are higher, the group that needs confronting are religious Jews.

What's the crux of the problem. On the front anyway.

It seems mainly questions on tzniut. Religious Jews are getting so twisted and bothered and more and more sensitive to modest vs immodesty that things have gotten violent!

What's the spiritual connection?

Al a Rabbi Nachman of Breslov style i'm just going to put all associations that I have to this:

tzniut. convenant of the brit. Avraham Avinu. Ishmael. Itzchok Avinu. Women. Moon. clothing. land of Israel. Moshiach ben Yosef. Sex. Sexuality. Purity.

Well, its interesting to note that we are not so much dealing with Edomite exile these days. Its more Islam extremist terrorists. The ownership of the land or parts of it, etc.

Israel and Ishmael. Way back, they had a fight before. A sort of "my brit is better than yours" type of argument. And what was so important about the brit? And how does it connect to the land?

I'll get back to that.

Arousal from below and Arousal from Above concept.

There is a concept of praying -arousal from below- also known as the feminine waters, and it causes a response from Hashem -arousal from Above- masculine waters. Kinda like a women crying, or kissing or whatever to get arousal from a man. Then the man responds by 'giving' to her. Or simply put, man prays, God answers.

Other times the girl can be so beautiful (in deeds) that the man sees her anyway and is wanting to give even without her asking. They say that if klal Yisrael is meriting then the redemption will come from above. However, if they are not meriting then it must come from the arousal from below. Like the woman who must work at it.

Moshiach ben Yosef is supposed to be the precursor to Moshiach ben David. His task is to gather in the exiles and settle the land. He is also connected to Din /judgement. Why? Not sure. My suspicion is that because he is likened to the arousal from below, that is also likened to women who is connected to Din.

to be continued...too sleepy.

Is Kiruv a Good Thing?

2008-02-04T14:58:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been asking myself this question more and more. I am aware that kiruv is a multimillion dollar industry and so no one will tell me with a straight face that its 'wrong'. But I am hoping for some sincere folks out there to tell me like it is.

To be sure, kiruv brings back many Jews who would otherwise live a happy secular life never knowing who Hashem is, what mitzvot are, and never feeling like second class citizens to group of FFBs.

To be sure, kiruv introduces a more simpler life away from the complex, sophisticated how many years degree needed "outside" world life. Just listen to 'the rabbi' and your whole life is set. Forget college, forget education. The Torah is the only thing you need. What? help to understand the Torah? Just ask a rav!

Do I sound cynical?

I just wonder is there a better way?

Some say kiruv introduces love of Hashem, but does not inject fear of Hashem. But I do think it introduces some kind of fear. LOL.

And what about those who accept the kiruv challenge, only to find out that they are mamzerim? Do they now have to chase down converts to include them in their mess? Wouldn't they have been happier lost in their secular lives? Was there a reason that they were gone?

I'll stop here.

(disclaimer: I'm not saying a life of religious Jewish practice is at all bad. I think its wonderful! I am just not crazy about the social parts of it and not crazy about the luring people in without 'full disclosure' business)

Why do People Try

2008-02-04T14:51:00.000-08:00

I was just over at Orthonomics, reading about what a "harry" is. Sad sad sad. People try to fit into societies- especially those that don't really want them? Appreciate them?

It just makes me want to shake my head. So many times, and from dear people, I hear statements of judgement? criticism? definitely odd ballish towards the 'other'. And this is not only in FFBs vs BTs.

What hurts is that the BT are really pushing and making efforts to fit into the FFBs society. Okay they make a mistake here and there, but to mock it and laugh at it speaks of a callousness that bespeaks of the heart. Perhaps they are just uneasy about the whole thing.

I think I need to hear some good news about FFBs.

What would happen if people just was themselves, and didn't try to conform to anybody else's standards?

Miriam's (chutzpadik) opinion

2008-02-02T15:01:00.001-08:00

Someone asked about Chukat goyim. This is my take on it.

I think somethings are stretched waaaaay out of proportion. This law is one of them.

For example:

(1) If I decided to wear a turban headcovering. Then I found out that somewhere in a distant land are women wearing turban headcoverings. I would still wear it. The reason is because I am not "copying" them. We just so happen to have the same idea.

(2) If I wear a collar shirt with buttons. Then afterwards, folks think its really cool and the nations begin to also wear collar shirts with buttons, I would not change. I would still wear my shirt because I am not "copying" them.

Anyway this is totally my opinion.

Roaming with the Rastas

2008-01-27T23:01:00.000-08:00

An interesting article by Rabbi Shmueli Boteach.

from the Jerusalem Post.

Couldn't resist!

2008-01-27T09:33:00.000-08:00

It just occurred to me to check YouTube for this song! I sing it so much to all my family members -just change the "my girl" to Rina, Yael, Avi, and even "Papa". (yep, we call each other mama and papa LOL --sometimes!)

Such good music. Sigh.

Repost from my Other Blog

2008-01-26T11:32:00.000-08:00

Note to self <--Just for the sake of easy read, I am reposting this exerpt from a different blog of mine in the event that I want to expound on it.--->

THE JEWISH STRUGGLE

One thing that I hear in Judaism is that we should all write our own Torah. I have always mulled over that and wondered what it meant. Yes, there are rabbinical translation and interpretations already set for me to read and nod at (some say this means literally finding a sofer and having him write a sefer Torah for them, etc). But I still wonder what other interpretation could there be.

Women have not "written their own Torah" yet. For this reason, there are no formal prayer for being in labor, no formal prayer for when our menstruation comes or when it goes. That may not be a big deal for the non-Jewish world, For a Jew, that is a big deal because it decides when you can be with your husband or not. And, I must add, its pretty exciting when you know you can be together again! A prayer would seem fitting -as we pray about everything else -even just to put an apple in our mouths there is a prayer. There are no formal prayers when three women eat together as there is for Jewish men (these were noted by Chana Henkin, dean of Nishmat Yeshiva -a seminary for girls).

And rightly so!

I don't believe that all the men are sexists animals. I do believe that they felt very very VERY out of place to formulate a formal prayer for events they knew absolutely nothing about!

According to a book I read, Expecting Miracles, a Jewish book about the spiritual side of childbirth, one of the most widely bought book in pre-holocaust Europe was a Yiddish book made by women for women with prayers that they invented for themselves!

THE WANING MOON REVISITED

Previously I wrote about a saying. About the moon and how it complained to God that she and the sun could not both occupy and rule the sky. You can read that story here.

Well, that moon represented women. Yes, women who was made not from dust -like man- but from living flesh and bone. A very alive person so alive that they can bring forth more life. Like a portal between spiritual and physical! But she was diminished, as the story goes. But listen: God did not diminish the moon!

He simply said, 'okay so diminish yourself, if you think you can't rule side by side with the sun.'.

And as the story goes, It diminished itself. ITSELF. But one day, it will realized that it does need to rule. At least itself if nobody else. LOL. At that time it will blossom again to its full God-given Glory and rule! The story doesn't exactly say what happens to the sun. But that doesn't matter. Because once we begin to see that WE MUST RULE OURSELVES, the sun will take care of itself as it always did.

Anyway, I hope that made sense.

Life Without Derekh Eretz, Good Middot, & the Laws of Lashon Hara

2008-01-17T21:22:00.000-08:00

Imagine that. *gasp!* enough said.

Time to turn my eyes in the right direction...

2008-01-15T12:50:00.000-08:00

Gearing up for Prez. George Bush

2008-01-08T13:58:00.001-08:00

In two more days the president of the United States of America will be visiting Israel. I can see the buzzing difference. So many helicopters buzzing this way and that way. Forwarnings of streets being closed off, buses being re-routed. Goodness gracious.

I'm hearing rumors that they'll close off Jerusalem, cancel all outgoing flights, etc. I've even heard that they might even parachute him down into his hotel. (lol)

He is such an interesting figure in Israel. Some, because of the pronunciation of his name (George can be pronounced gog) think he might be more than what we're seeing on the surface. Others worry that he's misled by 'erev rav' (a certain group of Jews who aren't really Jews -the mixed multitude back in the Moses story).

Whatever the case may be, Its just unfortunate that its coinciding with the time my mother is coming. Hopefully, things will go smoothly for our visit.

Positive Thinking

2008-01-06T22:39:00.000-08:00

Just to combat this oppressive depression I 'm going through right now, I thought i'd make a partial list of my blessings:

I am grateful to God that:

I have wonderful children.
I live in a very holy land.
I am honest with myself even if its uncomfortable.
I enjoy and love teaching each child.
We have a home in Jerusalem.
I had the experience of being a worker and a housewife.
I try to eat healthy -I don't think I eat so unhealthy.
We get frequent visits from the mothers (and mothers in laws)
My husband is a sofer (scribe), a nice profession that keeps us in Torah.

just a partial list in an attempt to uplift my mood. sigh.

The Kallah

2008-01-06T16:48:00.001-08:00

I just read a funny thing. In my Hebrew /English dictionary the word Kallah means a bride. It also means destroy, do away with, finish.

(can you all tell i'm depressed right now?)

About Gets

2008-01-05T13:09:00.001-08:00

A sobering post by Hesh from Frum Satire about men refusing to give up the Gets. Please read about it here.

The Fearful Ones

2008-01-05T11:35:00.000-08:00

What is about me? I once went into a very sheltered enclave of the very very very religious. I go there go to a clinic. All the sweet little school girls who probably never got out of their neighborhood were so shocked to see me. It was so sad it was hilarious. I noticed that they also looked with a wee bit less horror when a pizza delivery guy passed by on his loud motorcycle.

Them, I can't blame.

Other times when dealing with certain folks, I notice some sort of fear. Intimidated? Even from adults. As if they may offend me and i'll......bite? go bullistics? Show them down? I don't know. But there is definitely a fear there. I'm just human, lol.

...Sometimes I dread going to these super religious enclaves...

I've often wondered how to harness this power that I seem to possess (or that's thrusted on me. Come on, giving someone so much fear IS giving someone power) and use it for good....

Any ideas?

The Making of a Shell 2

2008-01-02T00:53:00.000-08:00

This all begs the question, why do I want to be Chareidi? Is it just because my hubby and I dress the part? Is it because some our friends are? Is it because that's how I started? Is it because of those in Chareidi circles who look with disdain at those who are 'less religious' than they are?

My answer: but before I answer the question. If I dressed the part. Wore the right headcovering, carried the right cell phones, etc. If someone saw me at a distance, they would think I was chareidi. Upon talking to me and realizing I have a computer with internet in the house, etc. They may switch their conclusion and say I wasn't. However, If I did not dress the part. If I wore a tichel (scarf), flowy Bat-Ayin dress, and perhaps carried my baby in a snuggly, at a distance, folks would think I was not chareidi. However, upon talking to me -even if I didn't have a computer w/internet in the house, even if I kept to the most stringent standards of anything -I would not be considered Chareidi!

So, what is it to be Chareidi? Again, please be aware that I am brainstorming at the moment and some questions I don't have answers to yet.

But back to the question, why do I want to be Chareidi? Well, I know that I really appreciate religious living. I want to have and do mitzvot. I am a believer. I believe in Hashem, etc. I appreciate the Chumash (first five books) mostly because the people's lives weren't sugar-coated. They did wrong and it was listed. They did good and that too was listed. Moshe Rabeinu was keepin it real!

But as my first strike, I appreciate secular knowledge. The Vilna Gaon who came up with the Kramer's theory -to me-is inspirational. Math helped me to understand Torah better. (I remember when I was just starting out, I couldn't understand tahor (clean) and tuma (unclean) until I put it into a mathematical context. I imagined that tahor was like an equation with a positive slope. i.e. a line going upwards as if towards life. And, tuma to me was like an equation with a negative slope. i.e. a line going downwards as if towards um...no life lol)

My second strike, is that I am slowly slowly realizing that, although I want to and do dress tzneut, I am really not the 'suit' type. I like to wear a variety of colors and I don't think one should not look elegant. A woman is a woman no matter what.

Among the Chareidim, I have seen rabbis with such love and such understanding towards me and others, its very hard for me to let go. I have I have seen such devotion in trying to do the right thing, that I think its beautiful. Also, I have seen such knowledge --such.....BRAIN EXPANSION lololol I want to, at least hope to, be as smart as some of these folks! Some people really use all of their brain power, physicality, spiritual prowess to be such great servants of Hashem- I only want to hover around their aura all day long! I know that I have gained A LOT in terms of knowledge, character trait, even the way I see things just from these righteous people.

I don't know anyone from other camps like that. The only one maybe, from what I read, is Rav Kook. But I don't know him personally. I wish I did. I am not saying there aren't anybody like what I described above in other camps, just that I haven't seen it.

This is what keeps me in that camp. However, I think I am going to take some steps that I know that will keep my devotion fluid and alive...

Can Somebody run with this?

2008-01-01T14:56:00.000-08:00

A blogger friend of mine referred me to a book called, "Eat Right for Your Type." It has been such an interesting read, I haven't been able to put it down. Half baked ideas got formulated but I wondered of someone else could run with the ideas?

Basically the book explains that race should not be a factor for categorizing people. Blood type should be! Why? Because each blood type reacts differently to food, environment, etc regardless of what color the person is who has that blood type.

Anyway, one thing that I found interesting was that a certain type could handle meat, but not dairy. Yet, there is another blood type that doesn't need so much meat, but thrives well on dairy! Also, a lot of the unkosher foods are said to have lectins -which is not good for anyone.

Can anybody run with this?

Yosef Karduner! My favorite singer!

2008-01-01T11:11:00.000-08:00

I am so excited! There is an article about Yosef Karduner. I think he's one of Israel's best musician. My humble opinion LOLOL.

Here's the link.

OMG! One of my favorite songs that he sang was Shir La'maalot (Psalm 121). I tell you, everytime I listened to it, I would tell people around me, I'm sure he must have been davening (praying) just before he came up with that melody. Sure enough, in the interview that's pretty much what he says! He was meditating when this melody came to him.

The Making of a Shell

2007-12-31T07:05:00.000-08:00

As I write, I know that I am mostly brainstorming and getting ideas out. This may or may not be coherent but I feel this is too important for me to let it be dormant -as it tends to be.

I was telling a friend of mine about the blog about the Hassid and the Heretic. Its about a guy (?) who for whatever reason just stopped believing. Nevertheless, he still dons all the right clothing, wears the right hat, says the right things, etc. Basically, he is like a shell. All the exteriors were "right" but the interior was missing.

At first I wanted to giggle a bit about it, but as I spoke and thought and thought and spoke I began to realize that many people -including myself- are prone to this shell-like behavior.

When I first became religious, I was so full with idealism, zeal, joy, will, etc. Everything was done with kavana (devotion). Each mitzvah was a big deal. Bentching (grace after meal) was inspiring! (can you believe that!) Any man with the title rabbi was revered. However, slowly slowly, as I assimilated into the culture, I realized my rose tinted glasses was getting me into trouble. I had to take them off and confront many things.

All around me there was great emphasis on taking on chumras (stringencies) it felt a bit like peer pressure. Those who were lenient on things were looked down upon. Everything was dependent upon how chumra-dik you were. People may not eat at someone's house because of the length of that person's skirt! Some will say, "can you prove this?" I can't prove it, but I know that I felt it. I know that I saw it happening. I know that others felt it because we've talked about it, people joke about it. Its like its in the air but nobody wants to confront it head on.

Certain things I could never get an answer on. Questions such as why is mehadrin hechsher A better than mehadrin hechsher B? Though I didn't know the answer, there were some hechshers I knew I mustn't be caught eating. Even though I personally felt absolutely nothing wrong with them. In addition, rather than finding the usefulness or good in something, it seems that folks have so little confidence in themselves that they rather assur (forbid) things. Now, having a computer in the house is questionable, using cell phones that aren't MIR phones is questioned, not to mention the countless bans in many sects.

There is one scene from the Body Snatcher (?) Movie that seem to pop up into my head a lot these days. The scene where most of humanity have been 'body snatched' and droids (looking like the very same people they body snatched) are walking around. This guy and girl who think they are the only real ones left take on a droid behavior so as to not get caught -and snatched. On their way up some stairs, in their droid-like fashion they get confronted by another droid. They try not to show any emotions but one of them slips! They both falter wondering what to do since surely they are caught..but the third droid slumps his shoulder and says, "Thank goodness, I'm not alone!" He was also a real human!

Sometimes, that is how I feel. I walk in very tzneut (modest) clothing. If someone asks me how am I, I respond robotically, "baruch Hashem" (Thank God) --even though that answer bothers me because it doesn't say how I am really, but I guess nobody cares really. My children are almost turning of age to be in school. Many chareidim ask me constantly, "so where are you sending your kids?" Eventually I have to choose between the Beit Yaakov (which means I'm "in") or anything else (which means I'm out of the circle). I try to think of the proper school, but I admit I do feel the peer pressure coming on. B'ezrat Hashem I will do the right thing.

But I go on, in my droid-like fashion all the while looking for hints of 'normalcy' in people around me. Waiting to put my guard down and relax. I don't want to conform out of peer pressure! I don't want to become a droid! I don't want to be just a shell....

to be continued...

The Burkas are here

2007-12-29T10:56:00.000-08:00

Some Jewish women in Israel have finally began to wear burkas, like their neighboring Muslimahs. Its not quite like a real burka. You can see pictures and read more about it at Mom in Israel's post.

Personally, I have nothing against burkas or Jewish women wearing them --as long as it was an informed choice and its not something they will impose on others.

(h/t to JDJ)

An Addition (and correction) from a commentor:

Shalom,

just wanted to point out, the pics on the other blog, its not a burka. Burka is the garment that covers the whole body, face and eyes. Its what you might commonly see women wear in afganistan (if you've ever seen pics of women from there).

the jewish women in those pics look like their wearing either overhead jilbab or just normal jilbab (dress) and headscarf.

from muslim observor :)

What I Fear in the Chareidi World

2007-12-27T00:54:00.000-08:00

I have heard that in the African American world, because of so much racism that they had to deal with, many in retaliation pampered their sons. So much so, that if one committed a crime, it was brushed under the carpet, if they said something wrong it was overlooked. If they didn't want to pursue higher education because of "the system" it was understood. If they didn't want others 'snitching' to the police, it was accepted. Eventually, those same guys realized they could do no wrong. And as some children will do when they are left without borders, these guys went all out!

Now you have rap music -which I used to love- that used to recount hilariously invented stories about some kid getting caught sneaking off to a party with friends or the likes -now its about black women in the most derogatory name calling imaginable! Hip hop -which also started pretty parve- is now (de)evolving into .....crunk?

There are many good black men still out there, waving their flags and doing their best. I know a few. They are good loyal fathers and husbands. Deep thinkers, Dedicated workers, business owners, entreprenuers, etc.

But the state of the black community in general is at a point of crisis.

What does that have to do with the Jewish community?

For whatever reason, many in the chareidi world are taught that they must be in kolel. Kolel is a place of learning for married men. All day, they learn. That is a great and noble venture! But its only great if you have the capacity to learn like that. And its only great if people are SELECTED for their learning skills to be there, not that EVERYONE must be in kolel. Many can not just sit and learn all day. Many do not want to! Many, out of social pressure are quite reluctant to go out and work --even if their family needs it. Those who do go and work are so looked down upon.

The wife is expected to be the mother, run the house, work -work enough to support everything, be a wife (a job of its own!) all this while the men simply sit comfortably and learn.

What kind of guys are we creating? Are they becoming Torah giants or loafing about because they feel 'stuck'? Will they take out their frustration elsewhere? On the seemingly all-powerful wife? If they are not great learners, do they feel a lack of responsibilities? Does it bother them? And if they are not great learners or THE GREATEST learner, will the wife still respect him? Will those who feel shame, disrespect their wives?

Now more and more, I'm hearing stories of women getting their clothes sprayed on because someone thought it was not modest enough. I heard of one lady who's car tires was slashed because of her garments. Women getting literally beaten on buses because they are expected to go to the back so the men won't have to look at them (and have unclean thoughts). They are responded to in rude fashion, if they -even older ladies now, -dare question the back-of-the-bus policy.

As a person who's been from one "black" community to another, I wish I could help my Jewish brothers and sisters watch their step so that they don't end up a different version of my previous 'black community'. Ladies, don't become enablers and mammies in an attempt to appear overly righteous. Guys don't styfle yourselves if what you want to pursue is according to halachah -even if its not sitting all day and learning.

I, too, want my son to become a talmid chacham /a wise Torah scholar. But should he choose work in conjunction with learning, he should not have to bear it with shame.

I dunno. I worry.

Blogs Galore!!!

2007-12-26T22:21:00.000-08:00

Hi all,

Certain blogs I just enjoy! I just wanted to list two of them....

Juggling Frog
To me, she's the Jewish Martha Stewart! Everything you want and need to know about home projects, etc. This is the place! With such ingeniously creative works and thrifty uses of things, I can't help but to learn from her.

Fiber ArtChic
I'm especially glad that she's now showcasing her 'other' fiber art! Headcoverings that she creates and makes. Very fancy and beautifully chosen colors. I think I better start saving my money for some new headgears. lol

Also, I must add the one blog my husband visits frequently :
Hirhurim -Musings

Dealing with foreigners?

2007-12-18T21:04:00.001-08:00

Yikes! David on the Lake had me running for a moment...

Prooves how easily, things change and stay the same. SMH. (shake my head).

Neat Websites

2007-12-17T13:44:00.000-08:00

Well, at least hubby seems to enjoy it....

Guide to tying Tsitsit

Enjoy.

Books I'm (still) reading...

2007-12-17T07:54:00.000-08:00

* Eim Habonnim Smeicha

* Sparks of the Hidden Light

So much activism!

2007-12-15T15:16:00.000-08:00

For a while, there has been a trend of moaning. Its like I could hear? feel? a low level moaning going on throughout various groups of people. I hear the moaning many FFBs about how they can't deviate from what their parents' shitta is or else they ostracized. Moaning from BT and others about askanim vs the real gedolim and other social affairs. I am even hearing moanings outside of the Jewish world -many black women of America and other women of color are tired of being tired of the problems, images, corruption, violence, etc going on against them and their children.

Now, I'm feeling a different wind. People are gearing up for action against what they feel are not correct. Of course, I had to "run" over to Daniel's website to see what's going on by them and this is what I found:

The first meeting for the "sacks and ashes" operation will take place at the Western Wall on Wednesday 19 Dec, 2007
at 2:30.

Activism! A call for action. If life was a movie, I'd be munching on my popcorn at a faster pace right about now...

Interesting Shabbat Talk

2007-12-15T14:45:00.000-08:00

This Shabbat we had a lot of guests. It was just wonderful! So many children running around, eating, making a mess. Different talks at the table...the men talking about...whatever lol and us women talking about our thing.

My sister, who was there, mentioned that she ate at a mashgiachs house one time and the topic turned into kashrut and hechsherim.

It left me numb.

From what everyone was saying, there are so many problems with checking that food is really kosher, that some Hassidic sects have resorted to not eating out. Other folks have decided to avoid meat! yet, others just try to rely on the fact (a leniency?) that no repercussions happens to someone who buys food with a good hechsher but that is not kosher.

Part of the problem is that many of the kitchen workers are not Jewish and so they simply don't know all the rules of kashrut, or that they don't really see the importance of it and so will violate an instruction secretly (i.e. knowing enough to know that the 'boss' shouldn't catch you giving garlic and onions cut with a fleishig knife to the dairy section -but not valuing that enough to not sneak and do it).

Personally, I would think that if kashrut is one of the basic BUT BASIC tenets of Judaism (the three main 'ya gotta do's' are kashrut, keeping Shabbat, and family purity) then why would kashrut be left to someone who doesn't value it? The response was: That's why they have mashgichim. As for the kitchen workers -its just too expensive to hire Jewish workers.

hunh?!

And then if there's a problem, its the women that needs to dress up yet even more tzeniusly? I worry.

Israeli Americans

2007-12-12T00:04:00.000-08:00

Recently I was on a bus with my little ones -all three and under. It wasn't easy! Luckily a friend of mine was also on the bus and told me her husband was going to pick her up at the central bus station. she offered me a ride! I was glad and we struck up a steady conversation.

My friend is an Indian Jewish lady and doesn't speak English. She speaks Hebrew and probably her native tongue from India. Now, my Hebrew is not that great. Every day I feel like I'm breaking my teeth trying to communicate. sometimes I get the tenses wrong, sometimes I get the plural vs singular wrong, gender. By the end of the day, I am sure I made a few people laugh.

Anyway, we got to the bus station and there was the husband in the car. We all got in. As my friend and her husband spoke, from his accent -the 'r's' and some of the o's sound, I could tell that he was a native English speaker who was speaking Hebrew.

This happens often. I'm speaking Hebrew to someone and from their accent I realize that we could easily turn this conversation into English. Yet, I don't. And they don't. But I wonder if its in the back of their minds like its in mine...

Getting to know Israel

2007-12-09T22:32:00.000-08:00

A most hilariously sweet post! Anyone who wants a glimpse of Israel, please check out this post by Yehudi. Its too sweet.

You Just Get It

2007-12-08T10:26:00.000-08:00

I am so grateful for Shabbat. Its my rare chance to actually just sit down and read a book guilt free. Blogosphere can't get me! lol Can't use the computer on Shabbat. So, I was reading more Rebbe Nachman stuff. In particular, his stories. And I ran across something that reminded me of Heshy from Frum Satire and the Lakewood Ventor.

I hope I can repeat it well: Basically, that humor is not logical. It goes beyond logic; and is actually on a higher level than logic, the level of Keter. (Keter is the part of understanding where you just "get" something. Its not based on logic. The knowledge sort of just falls into your brain. Whatever, its higher level than chokhmah and binah) Anyway, people have discussed how to define a "joke". What makes something humorous. I've heard that its the juxta positioning of one event, to a very contrasting event (e.g. a noble man from high society walking with his nose in the air as he passes his servants awaiting his approval. Suddenly in one gawking motion he falls right on his bum!) But it doesn't explain Why is that so funny.

Anyway, other interesting things that I read was this: (being brief) In order to compose satire, one must be in a position to see an entire country.

:A person can be known through his cup, his purse and his anger --and also through his humor. (I take it to mean a country as a whole as well).

Anyway, this is not comprehensive, to say the least. But, I really enjoyed reading Rebbe Nachman's The Humble King story. I just have to think about it for a few days now...

You can read The Humble King here.

Happy Hanukah!

2007-12-04T13:51:00.000-08:00

Happy Hanukah, Everyone....

Eim Habbanim Smeicha; Part 1

2007-12-03T01:11:00.000-08:00

Eim = mother (like Imma)
(ha)banim = (the)children
Smeicha = happy

The happy mother of children

Indeed, I haven't read much yet, but I am just thinking out loud right now. Is the happy mother =the land of Israel and the 'children'=Bnei Israel /the children of Israel?

Also, I had never heard before this book that the Sultan who controlled Israel (before WW1) wanted to sell parts of the land for money to use to fight his various battles. I didn't know prominent rabbaim were asked Jews left and right to buy up the land but no one did.

I am so sorry that Rav. Yisachar Shlomo Teichtal died without seeing Eretz Yisrael. So sorry.

Eim Habbanim Smeicha

2007-12-02T07:16:00.000-08:00

This is the book I am currently read. Oh boy! What an eye opener. Can't comment much yet as I am still in the beginning.

Meme Time: Here we go...

2007-11-24T12:11:00.000-08:00

Hey all. Its back to the meme games! This one even has a name: the Eight Ball. I got tagged by FrumHouse, so, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I present you the Eight Ball Meme....

8 Passions in my life:
My family
Unity for the Jewish People
Beautiful awareness and awakening for black women everywhere
Learning and retaining Torah lessons
blogging (hey, at least i'm honest! lol)
Breslov
Being a better person (to myself, and for others sake.)
Learning and retaining some secular knowledge

8 Things to do before I die:
Well of course, say shema
give all my enemies the birdie
Make peace with everyone/thing (otherwise, see above)
Make sure my kids have great marriage partners *oy!*
Get my life extended somehow
finally, but FINALLY accept it gracefully when my husband gives me a compliment
Make sure my sister has a great marriage partner
Make a last effort towards the above 8 passions in my life

8 Things I often say:
it's okay, it's okay.....
Wait a second!
Can you get off me?!
Okay time for........!
Papa's home!!!! (when Hubby comes home)
Wanna come over? (to sister)
Somebody Help meeeeeeee!
Hashem!!!!

8 Books I read recently:
Baby Steps (by Chana Weisberg)
A Career of Happiness (R. Avigdor Miller)
Pirkey Avot (I carry the pocket sized ones for quick reads)
Likutey Moharan (but I"m always reading that...)
Awareness (M. Adahan. always flipping through that one too)
Garden of Emuna (R. Arush /R. Brody HIGHLY RECOMMEND!)

8 Songs that mean something to me:
Tehillim /Psalm 121 by Yosef Karduner. Its just sooo deep.
Baruch SheAmar by Ain Ode Milvado
Hashem Melekh by Yosef Karduner
Aishet Chayil from the A-cappella CD
Better than I by David Campbell in the Joseph: King of dreams movie
We Will Survive by Jordan Chaviv

8 Qualities I look for in a friend:
Kindness
Honesty
Straightforwardness (is that the same as Honesty? I don't think so )
Socially skilled (at least somewhat)
Open mindedness
Thoughtfulness
Cool with me in private AND in public
Good listener

8 People to tag:
Tr8erGirl
Rafi G
Chassidishe Yingerman
Heshy? from Frum Satire ( I hope I don't regret this one)
Fashionista Cat
TikkunGer
(have to think up more folks. but just wanted to get this out..)

I Thought I Felt Something!

2007-11-22T11:21:00.000-08:00

Turns out there were two minor earthquakes in Israel! Goodness, I hope that should anything ever happen (chas v'shalom), I'm not caught in front of the computer blogging away. I'd be embarrassed!

Here's a link to the report:

Earthquake in Israel

And HERE for more interesting news on earthquake in Israel.

Staring Me Down...

2007-11-20T14:12:00.000-08:00

Ah! a day in the life of Miriam. I tell ya. Most of you could not handle being me. I think Hashem knew what he was doing when he made me the way I am. You see, I have a slight urge towards exhibitionism. Something which being tzenua keeps in check. My life sometimes is like a constant stage act. As long as I look great and have my head (as in knowing the topic at hand and being able to make intelligent contributions to a discussion)together, I feel great.

Just the other day, I went on a date with Hubby. It was exciting to get ready for the date. Earrings -the special ones, finding the right headcovering to match my outfit, checking myself in the mirror a gazillion times. My patient hubby got extra learning time. See, everything has a good side LOL

So we went to Center One. I small mall type of place where there are lots of restaurants. We went to one, ordered our food and went and sat down. Something was weighing heavily on hubby's mind so we talked about it.

The cold raining outdoors, the warm indoors, the food, Hubby's voice, the fact we were on a date! Everything combined to make the time special!

Then came the bochurs (young single men). Four of them. They took a table right next to us. Then, with their derech eretz-less, I'm -so -frum-look -at -my -black -kippah --and white shirt selves started staring at us! What nerves!

I must say it was interesting to watch my own psychology at this whole matter. I am not from a religious background. When /where I grew up flirting left and right was the norm in society, everything was sexualized, everyone was grabbing for attention, etc.

At first I didn't realize they were staring because I was so engrossed with Hubby. We talked and joked and laughed and ate. I totally forgot about the world. When there was a brief silence, that's when I realized they had been staring. It wasn't the "oh, how odd" stare. It was more mean. Like they were trying to intimidate me or make me feel small. The ignorant, oh-how-odd stares are different. Parve in a way. This was mean-spirited.

My first reaction was to immediate fall back into the 'old Me'. I felt like I was on stage and loved it. I enjoy the stares sometimes. I admit. And this was no different. An audience! I wanted to smile more, to talk more, to eat more daintily, etc etc....to act.

Then my new second nature kicked in. The 'new Miriam'. I started to wonder, what would those boys think at night? Sure, they think they can intimidate me and stare me down, but I really don't want to be a part of their wet dreaming and sinning. Hah! Talk about messed up. A real party pooper thought.

So, we got up and went for a walk.

Lots of thoughts were swarming in my mind. I was glad that I didn't get intimidated and that I still had that want to be looked at, adored, etc. I was also glad that I dealt with the situation smoothly and that I didn't succumb to the urge to flirt at them just to drive them crazy in the head. I was glad that my new second nature kicked in before I did anything i'd have to pray for forgiveness about. I was also fascinated that this was the first time I ever stood outside of myself and broke down the situation this way.

Again, most people can't be me.

Song minus Video?

2007-11-11T23:38:00.000-08:00

I'm in search of spiritual INSPIRATIONAL music. Preferably rather Jewish themes or Old Testament themes. The song "Better than I" in this video brings me to tears almost everytime:

(( YouTube Removed))

I just need to figure out how to put music without video on the blog. Enjoy!

Three Months with $30 Million..

2007-11-07T13:37:00.000-08:00

The theme today is with three months and $30 million buck, how could I improve the world?

Oh wow! If I had $30 million, would I think about the world? I think I'd get a nice home, clear up bills, buy luxurious furnishings, take cruises. Yeah baby, i'd change my world Mwahahahahahaha!!!

Seriously, I'd probably rent out billboards and put messages of positivity all around (while I wade in my jacuzzi). Wage a campaign to eradicate excessive television watching, create chain letters of funnies and spread them everywhere (on my updated state of the art and newly bought computer). Sell for cheap hilarious bumper stickers to hopefully reduce road rage.

I would try to spread positivity through whatever media I could. In the end, I think most people just want to be happy, adored, feel successful, understood. I don't know that money can buy that...

Advertisement for Apartment Rentals

2007-11-07T02:36:00.001-08:00

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My Heroes

2007-11-05T12:09:00.000-08:00

Okay, i'm coming in a bit late with the Positive Blogging Week, but -thinking positively, I figured better late than never.

I'd like to write about the heroes in my life. I do feel that Hashem (God) protected me and carried me a great deal in the guise of different people and for His guidance I am eternally grateful and for the friendship I am forever gladdened.

But before I get into talking about my heroes i'd like to give a shout out to all my old neighborhood friends, from public school: Albert, Kenneth, etc. I used to be a tomboy when I was a kid, and I hung out with a group of boys. We were always clowning around and there was always something to laugh about. I was always so thankful to them because when I did at times hang out with girls there was always some bickering going on about this girl's dress, or that girl's hair, or who should we decide to be friends with this week.Sheesh!

I guess in a way, these boys were kind of heroes to me, because they allowed me and taught me from an early age what a pleasure it was to talk about life, things, movies, etc and what a bore it was to tear down a person verbally. (Although, as we got older things got a bit sticky. Even though I lived only one block away from school, I always got to class late. So my "posse" decided to take it upon themselves to meet me at my house and walk me to school. I would be TOTALLY embarrassed as my parents asked in great alarm, 'who are these boys waiting for you by our fence?" I would pretend like I had nothing to do with them as I walk out and headed for class. Eventually, I 'became a girl' lol and had to break ties with them.)

Another hero came about the time when I moved away from home. I had been very sheltered at home and was not prepared for the onslaught of life. Guys seem to be dripping with perversions, women all seemed hateful and jealous and unhappy. At that time, I listened to mainstream news a lot. Too much. That too made for depression bouts. Enter Rabbi Capers Funnye.

He was the most interesting rabbi I think i'll ever meet. He was African American and seemed to have a knack for blending holy rollers from baptist type church and Judaism. Since I was unaccustomed to both, it made for very lively times in my life.

Even now once in a while I still sing that shul's jazzy version of "Baruch Hasheeeeem" to myself. As I outgrew the place, I moved on to an Orthodox community. There I met Ms. Thang!

She was the most confident Jewess I have ever met. She dressed slightly differently than what I was used to, and she had a flare for hats. I really admired her graceful and smooth ways. She never raised her voice, but you knew when she was upset. Her husband was this big sephardi guy who seemed like he could take anybody on; but before his wife, he was just a sweet kitty cat! I admired the way she ran her house and made up my mind to emulate her. Because I stayed in their house so much, I learned a tremendous amount from her, watching how they welcomed guests so graciously, how they prepared for the Sabbath, how she somehow served the food but didn't come off looking like a servant. I really think being there formed a lot of who I am now.

When we first met she told me how many people thought she was an arab because she was dark. But I never saw shame in her. She always behaved like she was just Ms. Thang! lol

There are many more heroes that shaped my life, but these stand out at the moment.

Positive blogging Week! Don't miss out !!

2007-10-27T14:07:00.000-07:00

Ehav over at Hochmah and Musar is having a positive blogging week. Its from November 4th to 10. Sounds great. See his blog for more details.

Harnessing the Passion

2007-10-21T22:46:00.000-07:00

Someone asked me, "is Israel safe?" and I assured him that for sure in the religious Jewish community its relatively safe. And then I read this from Jacob the Jews blog. Much to my chagrin this phenomenon is turning into an ever growing problem.

Historically, there was a time when Jewish people were known to be fighters. They had laws for war, brave soldiers, warriors (Avraham, Pinchas or Phineas), and unflinching commanders (Moses, Joshua, Gideon, Barak). Then during the modern age, when Europe was where the super-power was, the Jewish people became very subdued. They lived in various shtetl (aka ghettos) and didn't have much rights and faced random pogroms at the mercy of hateful troublemakers.

Interestingly, there was also a time when, in order to get prophecy, prophets would have the music played. I've often wonder what type of music can get someone so inspired that they can even prophecy?! Even that has gone.

Slowly slowly, things are changing, I think. This is my theory. Its raw material, but I am hoping some expert analytical mind can run with it or reject it LOL.

I think Passion is returning to the klal. I think the great influx of baalei teshuva especially from western countries may have spearheaded this wider span of emotional...freedom? boundaries? These countries tend to encourage people to 'express themselves' to 'let it all out' etc.

Thinking out loud here. But this is why there are such zealots nowadays who think they can beat up on women if they don't go to the back of the bus, or this is why groups feel that they can insist -to the point of rioting- that people in living or passing through their community must dress a certain way...or face assaults.

But I think this is also how come so many new genre of music are making their way to klal Yisrael with Jewish themed lyrics.

Its like the floodgates of passion have been broken open. Now if we can harness all that flow into their proper pipes (bina)....Hmmmm..maybe that's where the straight laced Yeshivishe folks comes in?

Jordan Chaviv

2007-10-21T06:32:00.000-07:00

Hat tip: Fiber ArtChic

Jordan Chaviv - We Will Rise Again Video

2007-10-20T17:30:00.001-07:00

Hey all, been abit pre-occupied so I haven't been blogging. Thought i'd put this up for entertainment and intermission lol. Please enjoy!

Lazer Beams coming your way.

2007-10-17T00:16:00.000-07:00

Hear Rabbi Lazer Brody, from the Lazer Beams website on the Tamar Yonah show from Arutz Sheva...

http://msmedia.a7.org:82/arutz7/shows/ty/tamar071016.mp3

Enjoy!

Women of Blogosphere, What's happening?

2007-10-07T21:49:00.000-07:00

As I get older, I notice my body shape is also changing. No longer is the hour-glass shape there. It seems i'm getting to look more like a bonified...PEAR !

what's going on? Is this normal? Should I be worried? I think exercise will only turn me into a slimmer pear.

Oy vey.

Rosh Hashana, African Americans and Black Eyed Peas

2007-10-07T08:49:00.000-07:00

AddeRabbi explores the similarities. Fascinating and funny post!

Numbers at Play; From a TWO Perspective

2007-10-06T15:35:00.000-07:00

Trying to be a mom, a wife, a frum person, even, is hard work. Many times I wondered why I struggled with certain things. Why was it that my mom was so able to always have three hot meals a day for the family, work a full time job, and still manage to keep the house together?! Why couldn't I do it? She's my mom!

And why was I having issues with hubby? What proper marriage books should I read? All these questions bothered me as I forged on with life trying over and over again to make things right. Until I discovered the enneagram!

LOL I know that sounds like a commercial. But for me, it really helped. I finally understood why my ONE mom was so efficient with her time and so productive! I also understood why she wasn't so generous with the hugs, etc. I always knew that she loved us kids but she just wasn't the hugging type. Instead she displayed her affection in other ways, such as giving each person their favorite part of the chicken when that was served (oh mom!), taking us on outings, or things like that. I really appreciate her.

I wished I knew about this enneagram business long ago. I went to all kinds of Jewish marriage books, Men Are from Mars books, etc. But somehow I just couldn't figure marriage and make it work. (I naively thought, nobody argues in a 'perfect' marriage!). However, I really understood myself and my husband much better after Miriam Adahan's Awareness book.

Now, I try not to expect my husband to know what I want /need -automatically! lol. TWOs have a tendency to not take care of themselves because they are too busy taking care of others. Then when their needs get to the point of urgency, they're all upset and angry at the world for not caring! LOL. So, I learned. I also learned not to feel shocked at how "little" someone wants to give (of time, money, effort, etc) because everyone gives the way they can. (I also learned to not be overbearing with my help. To only help when its asked or after my offer has been accepted.)

I also realized why I appreciate my FOUR sister so much. FOURs can be so non-judgemental. I feel I can tell her lots of things and not have it haunt me later lol. We always seem to have very deep conversations -and very soon into our dialogs too. Also TWOs, THREEs, and FOURs all are emotional types. THREEs suppress their emotions to succeed, TWOs and FOURs feel them very much.

TWOs also tend to be very protective. That also explains why, once I get attached someone, I usually end up dreaming about me protecting them in some kind of way. Ah. Interesting stuff.

I'm a TWO! What are YOU?

2007-09-27T13:58:00.000-07:00

free enneagram test

As I await, for my unofficial big brother, Jacob Da Jew to post on the Enneagram, I decided to post a little on the topic myself. (I call him big brother because I have learned so much from him).

There is a book called Awareness, by Miriam Adahan, which I love so much. It takes the same enneagram but puts a Jewish spin on it. So, all the examples are of situations I can relate to.

Well, I wonder if anyone will ever write an enneagram book based on other groups of people. Anyway, here's my random take:

Type ONE: Idealistic / principled type
Example:
Would probably be heard saying something like, "It's got to be done right!" or "its MY way or the high way!"
On a good day: She'll crusade for justice. Be very efficient and organized. Uphold principles just for the sake of being a righteous person.
On a bad day: She probably has low tolerance for anything that's not what she would do/ say/ think. Keep worrying over a 'fault' of hers. Or even feel someone deserves slow punishment to 'atone'.
My suspected biblical persona: Yitzchok (Isaac)

Type TWO: Caring / protective type
Example:
Would probably be heard saying something like, "How can I help x." or "here, let me do it for you." or "I'm overwhelmed!"
On a good day: She'll jump at a chance to do any act of kindness. Seem always cheerful and ready for action.
On a bad day: She'll feel unloved and try to do too much for folks. People please ad nausum.
My suspected biblical persona: Avraham (Abraham)

TYPE THREE: SUCCESS / ON
Would probably be heard saying something like, "I must succeed. I want to win!"
On a good day: She'd be running her corporation smoothly lolol. Making another million bucks. Seem always "on". Very capable of suppressing her emotions for the sake of succeeding.
On a bad day: She'll probably stay in bed and not want to face the world -especially not without her makeup! Will deal with immoral people for the sake of a goal.
My suspected biblical persona: Queen Esther.

TYPE FOUR: The Artist /The Unique One
Would probably be heard saying something like, "nobody understands me!"
On a good day: She works on being happy. Is very creative and unique. Enjoys her space alone but also loves being with people.
On a bad day: She'll think she's ill. She'll think she's going nuts or feels too much or wish she had thicker skin to deal with cruel people.
My suspected biblical persona: David haMelech /King David. He wrote the majority of Tehillim /Psalms. Had such a dramatic life.

TYPE FIVE: Data collector / Nutty professor
Would probably be heard saying something like, "When i'm feeling more exuberant, I can explain it better..."
On a good day: She'll come up with wonderful insights on various topics. He usually had a stamp collection when young, or some other collection.
On a bad day: Will be a loner.
My suspected biblical persona:

TYPE SIX: The friend / Leader
Would probably be heard saying something like, "My friend so-and-so...." or "I am committed to /devoted to...."
On a good day: Would make great community leaders. Calls friends up loyally. Are bold fighters.
On a bad day: She'd dilly dally forever before making a choice. She'll distrust a friend she once trusted over a happening.
My suspected biblical persona:

TYPE SEVEN: Action Oriented /go go go!
Would probably be heard saying something like, "so what are we doing this weekend?!"
On a good day: Will have lots of projects lined up and happily go about accomplishing them.
On a bad day:
My suspected biblical persona:

TYPE EIGHT: Confronter / The Lion
Would probably be heard saying something like, "Yeah, and what of it?!"
On a good day: She kicks **** and takes names.
On a bad day: same. LOL
My suspected biblical persona:

TYPE NINE: Very easy going / Dreamer
Would probably be heard saying something like, "Okay, so relax, we'll figure it out" Or "Oh, its not a really big problem at all..."
On a good day: Will calmly, persistantly take down 'enemies' like in the movie 'Unforgiven'. Will be at ease and be able to resonate with people with out feeling out of control.
On a bad day: Will stick head in sand.
My suspected biblical persona: Aaron haCohen /Aaron the cohen

Some Info taken from http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/descript.asp

An interesting Blend....News in my world(s)

2007-09-18T03:24:00.000-07:00

Its so hard to think straight! So much is going on I can barely keep up. Somehow I feel its all related, but I can't stop time so as to figure it all out. Anyways, here's what'up in my hoods....

In Israel...
* The high holidays are rolling. We just had Rosh Hashanah, the new year. This is the time that Hashem (G-d) opens up the good book of life and name names. I hope mine and everyone's name is in there. I hope we all have another chance to be the team we could be. A team of devoted servants of Hashem doing His Will and spreading the Good Word.

* Yom Kippur is coming up. That's when we fast and pray and really try one last time, before the good book of life gets closed and sealed, to make sure we're in there! I don't fast well. But i'm eating healthy and trying to prepare myself for that day.

* Next will be Succot. This is the time of year we build booths (called a succah)and dwell in them. They are to remind us that its not our material things that we depend on; rather its the Almighty. More on that later.

At the same times all this is happening, we have entered a Shmittah year. Every seven years, we are commanded to basically, leave the land alone! The fruit and vegetables that the land produces becomes a free for all -unless its owned by a non-Jew (lol, then we can't just up and take his stuff).

Meanwhile, in other parts of the world.....

* Black women in America are making revolutionary changes. It all started with simple blogging and has escalated to serious undertakings and changes.

It started with one lady complaining about the plight that the African American culture has dwindled to. Nowadays, someone says "a black person" and almost immediately images of some guy with gold chains, gold teeth, fingers twisted in all sorts of contortions and 'interesting' English coming out of his mouth is what people imagine.

That is the image the media wants everyone to see. And that image sells! Its so wild, its entertainment.

Meanwhile, black women have been pining for realness. Wanting to have decent husbands that do not adhere to the propaganda of the media (copied from groups here and there who actually DO live like that). Wishing their children wouldn't watch those kinds of messages on television or hear those types of messages on the radio, etc.

So this lady wrote a blog about how black women should not sit around waiting and pining and hoping for that hopeless hope that black men will also decry what's going on with their image, or that day when many of the men in the black community will stop chasing 'other girls' or that day when many of the men will be more commited to marriage, taking care of their children, etc. Instead, she recommends that they find good suitable partners elsewhere. That they date outside of just African American men. Oh boy! did that start a ruckus. People's true colors really began to show! Many black men wrote hate mails to her, even suggesting that if there isn't enough black men then they should share and stay put! Some resorted to visited her blog with nasty messages, etc. But it didn't stop that lady. On the contrary, now her readers are starting blogs of their own about the topics that they really had hoped to hear about but, before now, only depended on mainstream media to satisfy (which they never did!).

Even more! Women are mobilizing and being pro-active. There was a recent protest against BET, an all black cable station that seems to loves to portray black in their most stereotypical positions. You can read more about that here. These blogs are getting media attention AND are shaking the media, the black community, and possibly the nation as a whole, big time.

Goodness, what changes are happening. Its like Hashem, being the orchestra conductor, so to speak, is changing the music into high tempo!

*SHANA TOVA*******

2007-09-11T21:11:00.000-07:00

I hope you all have a joyful and wonderful new year! Good health, paronossa (income), simcha (happiness) for all of us! Kativa v'chatima tova!

Memories from seminary

2007-09-09T10:37:00.000-07:00

When I went to a seminary here in Israel. I had to go somewhere with two other girls. Both were boney bone skinny! One was Syrian (pretty white) w/dark straight hair, the other was persian -pretty dark with thick dark hair and me -African American w/dark hair in braids.

Goodness! never in my life did I feel more like I was representing!

I am not fat, i'm size 8, but these girls defied size! I felt FAT around them. But tried to walk as confidently as I could.

Woohoo! heads turned! It was certainly a site. Three girls from very different backgrounds briskly walking down the street shoulder to shoulder.

It was too weird. The two girls seem to take it in stride -confident, cool, like they were just too much and walking down a modeling walk way. I felt like I was faking it (i'm usually pretty mousey) and praying to dear Almighty above that I don't trip or appear not confident.

what stresses in life...

Ethiopian Jews vs AA Jews

2007-09-06T14:39:00.000-07:00

As I stated before, my parents came to America in the 60s and I am a first generation American. Like most immigrants, they came with the hopes of a better life for their children in the USA. (I conveniently changed all that when I came to Israel, but that's another story). Living in America, I observed a lot of the culture conflicts that was going on between black America vs white America; "minorities" vs majority; and even the interesting spillover conflicts such as Puerto Ricans vs Mexicans and how it played out in their new homeland, America.

With great effort, I managed to skirt a lot of the issues. However, I did learn the proper norms of living in African American world. Little things such as nodding to a 'brotha' or a 'sistah' as a sign of recognition and comeraderie when walking down the street.

Unfortunately, there were some mores I didn't care for, like being whistled at or hearing the "girl you looks good! I wont some! " comments which I completely ignored.

However, now I'm in a different "black" neighborhood. LOLOL This new black neighborhood is called black because the people typically wear white shirt, black slacks, black hats, and black coats. The women usually dress in black too!

Actually, I have one foot in the "black" neighborhood and one foot straddling the rest of the Jewish Orthodox world. Which one is stronger, that remains to be seen.

In my new neighborhood(s), I have new norms and mores to learn. I remember once, I was walking down the street and saw up ahead was an Ethiopian Jew. He was stationed as a security guard for a store and was sitting outside on a stool. As I approached I wondered if I should say "hi" or nod. Does he even know about such things? Do Ethiopians nod to one another as a sign of comeraderie? They don't have the same history as AA people, so it may be different.

I was getting closer and had to make up my mind. Nod or ignore.

When I finally got up to him, I decided i've got more to lose if I don't nod (maybe he'll think i'm a snob, or maybe he'll feel rejected or something) So, I gave him a cool smile and a nod.

O boy! was that a MISTAKE !!!!!

just as I passed, his (also Ethiopian) friend came outside too. So it seemed like I nodded to both of them. The security guard gave out a high pitched noise -I guess the Amharic equivalent to the American "WTF?!!!"

Needless to say, I quickened my pace and turned a corner as fast as I possibly could!

Yiddish With Dick and Jane

2007-09-05T04:38:00.001-07:00

hmmm, maybe this is a good starter.....

I'm Doing It!

2007-09-05T04:26:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

I have decided. I am going to get more shock value by speaking YIDDISH! Yes, you heard right, I have decided to try to learn some Yiddish and freak the heck outa my starring fans from the nearby shtetl -even more!

No really, I am just curious about the language and do want to pick up some phrases.

Gadi Pollack

2007-09-03T06:51:00.000-07:00

Long long ago, i've wanted to make a frum comic book. I had all sorts of ideas for the main character, the villains, plots, everything. However, for various reasons -the main reason being I couldn't find a good enough drawer- I held back.

I've been kicking myself since.

A while back, I bought some middot books for my kids to read and discovered all these relatively recent "comic book-ish" books. Man! that could've been me! They can't get enough of the Incredible Voyage to Good Middos" by Baruch Chait, and all its series. I can't get over the drawings! Now we've moved on to other books drawn by Gadi Pollack such as "A Tale of Seven Sheep" and "A Moving Tale" and another one about the stories from the Maggid of Dubno (I don't remember the name at the moment, in Hebrew its "Ma'ase shelo Haya).

I really want to know more about this Gadi Pollack fellow. Who is he? What's his story? Does any one know?

ADDENDUM:

I just found this from http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/objects/pages/PrintArticleEn.jhtml?itemNo=431617:

"Pollack, an immigrant from Russia and a sculptor by profession who lives in Kiryat Sefer, relates that he began the process of becoming religiously observant after a gentile asked him to make a comic strip about the Bible and he began to delve into the subject. He and Goldschmidt study in the mornings at the kollel (yeshiva for married men) in Kiryat Sefer, which Pollack smilingly calls "the artists' lane." The flowering of comics has created a demand for good artists in the ultra-Orthodox community; about a year ago, when Pollack was overwhelmed by offers, he started a course for comics artists in Kiryat Sefer. One of his students is Beifuss. Yoni Gerstein, the cartoonist for Yated Ne'eman, who is also newly observant, has taken a group of comics creators under his professional wing."

Elul in my Neighborhood

2007-08-30T15:42:00.001-07:00

Hi folks,

They say in Elul, Hashem puts on His jeans and comes a bit closer to talk with folks. So, let Him know wassap!!!

A funny thing. My neighborhood must be shofar blowers' haven. Almost every evening, I can hear shofar blowers practicing. I almost expect it.

Speaking of Rosh Hashana, its suppose to be a three day affair -since we slide into shabbat. Hubby might go to Uman, so I hope to have some pictures from that. Stay tuned!

Mazal Tov!

2007-08-30T14:23:00.000-07:00

Chinese culture meets Yemenite culture.

Mazal tov to my dearest friend and talented musician, Hadassah Lee! Hey, Hadassah, since the guy is Teimani, does that mean you'll have a henna party?

Mazal tov!

Baruch dayan ha-emet

2007-08-23T03:37:00.000-07:00

I regret to inform everyone of the passing away of Dr. Avraham Schwartzbaum a"h. he's the author of the Bamboo Cradle. (he had adopted a baby girl from China and while trying to raise her, came to his own judaism)

My husband and I used to go by them every Pesach. But by the third Pesach of our newfound 'tradition' our twin girls were born and we reasoned it would be easier on everyone if we started to do Pesach seder ourselves.

That year, both Dr. and Mrs. Schwartzbaum came to visit us and make sure we were doing okay! Like parents!! I miss Dr. Schwartzbaum.

~~~~

Before I was married, I lived in the Neve Yerushalayim yeshiva dorm. One day, after bawling the previous night from a bad date, I washed my face well, put on make up. I dressed up nicely and went to class as if nothing had happened.

While waiting in the hall for the class to start, I saw Dr. Schwartzbaum heading my way. I put on a cheerful face, but just to be safe, I turned my back and pretended to be Really interested in a poster on the wall in front of me.

Dr. Schwartzbaum, the eminent sociologist, says to my back, "why do you look so down?" LOLOL

Then he comforts me and says, "don't worry, no one else can spot it."

I miss him. He was like a father. I miss his comforts when I had troubles at Neve and came crying to him. I miss his many sons giving him a sweet hard time at the Pesach seder. I miss him.

Happy birthday

2007-08-20T15:41:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday To You!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !

2007-08-20T15:01:00.001-07:00

Since i'm somewhat anonymous on this blog, this is the only place where I can celebrate my birthday unabashed! Don't ask me how old I am, now. Well, its somewhere in the 30s. How do people celebrate their birthdays as they get older? Do they even celebrate it? Tips? Advice?

Wanna Hear Heimish?

2007-08-20T11:47:00.000-07:00

Today I called a chinese medicine doctor to make an appointment and the secretary answer the phone.

Secretary: Would you like to make an appointment with my mother?

sweeeeeeeeeeeet!

My Thank You's -Things that Changed My Life

2007-08-13T23:15:00.000-07:00

As a matter of reflection, I would like to take some time out for gratitude for things and people on earth, big and small, that changed my life. Who knows, maybe it can change others' lives for the better.

A short list:

My Parents. Immigrants from the tropical island of Haiti came to America in the 60s. I've often wanted to ask them how in the world did they take in America when they came from a country in which there wasn't such a great segregation going on what with buses, jobs, restuarants, etc etc etc! But I dare not. Haitian parents, you just "do as your told!"

My Job. While in college, I made my way by working as a 411 operator, Then later transfered to sales/customer service. I was pretty good in sales and enjoyed (and miss) my big fat paycheck. Though I wasn't religious yet, I did try to give to charity as much as possible. Thank you!

Torah. All the hurt I've ever experienced, all the negativity, it all got pushed away once I began to really study Torah. At the time that I was really getting into it, I was working at a radio station that basically didn't pay me! My money was tied to a condo that I was paying for so I was basically BROKE. Nevertheless, that was one of the most magical time of my life! To just delve into so much learning, such new perspectives, such wisdom. I hardly saw the world around me. Thank you!

Coming to Israel. First of all, I was afraid of flying. My rabbi, Rabbi Raccah advised that I should come here and that gave me the courage. Once here, I had to figure out the culture, the language, everything was new and different. Here, it seemed, nobody cared if you had money or not, what mattered most was how much chutzpah you can muster up! I had to learn, no TRAIN myself to put away my mousy ways and be bold. That was VERY life changing. To be able to argue w/someone even with an audience watching or even to just be a part of the typical bus-ride chat in which people just start talking on the bus ---I was so used to just putting on my stoic bus-look. This took some getting used to. Thank you!

Marriage. This for sure changed my life. I had to realize my weird ways had to go because now I was living with someone! One of my crazy things (I won't say anything too private, hehe) was that I didn't believe in taking any advil or tylenol or anything when I didn't feel well. I would just lay in bed and moan and deal with the pain. After marriage, however, that was not an option. Here I am trying to look beautiful and suave -how in the world could I moan around on a bed. I began to buy medicine. Thank you!

Children. Children have taught me to daven. In ways I never knew I could. In places I never knew I would. With a strength that I didn't know I had. Thank you!

Movies: Certain movies were also very impacting to me. After I moved away from my (very very) sheltered home. I was quite nervous about social interactions. I felt that I just haven't been 'out there' enough to really interact smoothly as it seemed to me that others could. So, I took it upon myself to take myself to movies to 'learn'. That was hilarious. While that experience was entertaining, and somewhat useful, it didn't impact me as much as the following movies did.

Ben Hur: I don't know why, but I when I was a teenager, would watch various scenes from this movie over and over and over and over. Especially the dialog parts. I think from there I learned about people standing for what they believed in.

The Matrix. As I began to get more and more religious, This movie was one of the lst ones I saw. I felt a bit happy that the world was beginning to entertain the idea that perhaps people can be limitless. That this sort of ...."chochma?" was even being received by the non-Jewish world. Thank you!

The Secret. This movie was so positive. While I didn't agree with many points they made, plus, it left me with a lot of questions. the gist of it, the positivity one should have in life, the joy that it encouraged, etc. Those parts were pretty uplifting.

Well, there you have it. Life, or my life anyway, sometimes feel like water splashing through a corridor. I never know what will cause it to turn this way or that way, but it's wonderful. Thank you!

Searching for Children's Siddur

2007-08-08T23:27:00.001-07:00

Hi Everyone,

We are searching for children's siddurim for our girls' b-day. Since they will only be turning three on rosh chodesh Elul, the main points in the siddur should be (1) pictures (2) lots of diversity in the pictures (3) prayers. Does anyone know of a place that sells such a siddur?

(I know we are doing this late if the solution comes from chutz l'aretz)

thanks!

Oh We'll be movin on Up........

2007-08-02T17:30:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to get myself to be more spiritual, to understand a little more about Hashem, to be a better Jew, but was embarrassed to admit that I wasn't sure how to proceed.

Sure, I know that if I ask people, many will say "take on x chumra" or "do more x more strictly" but that hasn't worked for me. I can't keep up with the Jones, er, Horowitz's stringencies mindlessly. I need to need that chumra or at least understand it, then okay there is something to talk about.

Well, After reading Jack's post (over at Advocate of the Mind), I feel a bit more confident with the road i've chosen. I think I will study TanakH more, even though its "lowly regarded" by the big guns, and also, quite frankly, I really do want to know my halachahs. Oh! if only my Hebrew was better.

Hey Jack! Perhaps the lack of Hebrew could be a /the problem.....

Israeli Government Registration

2007-07-26T22:40:00.000-07:00

Check out Huchma U'mussar for a sample of government run-around in Israel. Mine was alot worse, with me having to come back a month later to complete the process.

Hofesh HaGadol

2007-07-22T11:57:00.000-07:00

Yep. That's TheBig Break. Kollels are out, yeshivas are out (or will be very soon). For me that means gan /nursery school is out and all the little ones are home. So, needless to say, i'll have my hands full and won't be blogging as much.

Hope to see you all when I can! Enjoy!

The Mysterious Convert (converts revisited)

2007-07-17T02:41:00.001-07:00

Inspired by Rebel with a cause and the various comments made on Emes Ve-Emuna, here is an essay on geirim.

Why do I call converts mysterious? Because even to the convert, they seem mysterious! As much as i've tried purposefully to avoid it, I have heard many divrei Torah on the convert, why they come, who they are, what they are here for. It ranges so much. Here's a few that i've heard...

(1) they're not sure where salvation will come from, so they're taking
a gamble and betting on Judaism.

(2)they are coming to judaism for the money, marriage, great comedians,
etc.

(3) they usually come from bnei Esav because when Esav sold his birthright, so then his purpose, or he himself, became chaos. Chaos because now he has no purpose, he sold it. Thus, converts usually come from chaos. (this makes me think of a bolt of lightening. zap!!! and behold a naked ger transported onto the earth.)

Honestly, I can't say I know what motivates a ger. That may sound hilarious, but it's true. What makes someone like ice cream? What makes someone like beer? i dunno. they just do.

But i do know from many of the geirim that i've seen and known, they have a thirst for Hashem. A want to learn Torah and do mitzvot. Sometimes rabbaim try to shock the ger out of wanting to convert by saying, "but there are SIX HUUUUUNDRED AND THIRTEEEEEEN MIZVOT!" And then wait for the effect, without noticing the ger practically drooling at the thought of being so busy with mitzvot.

(honestly, i truly believe that Torah has all the answers, but i think sometimes that secular learning such as math, science maybe maybe psychology can help alot of rabbaim only because its like a piece of Torah put into micro-measurements. Like very slo-motion, but anyway.)

Let's examine all those reasons listed above.

(1) I have yet to meet a ger who thinks they're 'taking a chance' and casting their lot with the Jewish people. Its alot to ask someone just 'taking a chance'.

(2) I know many wonderful families of geirim.

All broke.

With barely a dime between them. And they're happy! Its a struggle, and it's no joke. Once the ger gets into the crunch of things, they sweat like anybody else. I think when it comes to money, maybe the reform or conservative Jews may have something to worry about, but Orthodox? Nothing doing.

Also, people, don't worry about testing the ger, Hashem does it perfectly well all by Himself. I don't know why, and correct me if I'm wrong, but almost every ger who comes in, seems to go through some kind of test of fire. They loose their job, or can not stand the same things that they used to be able to tolerate, or the family is against them, or something. Now I know its not a gremlin rabbi causing this, but
somehow it seems to happen. Then, after months or whatever, things get better. Please, if anyone knows a ger that this hasn't happened to, please tell me. (Nevertheless, one must test the ger to make sure their sincere before giving him entry, of course.)

As for marriage, now that's a tricky one. The Rabbanut here in Israel seems pretty slick at finding out if this is the reason. Other than that, it is a pretty dangerous person. If the relationship doesn't work out, then the person is stuck being Jewish without any desire for mitzvot, Hashem, or anythng Jewish. They may even grow to hate it!

Now the last explanation of geirim that i've heard is about Esav and chaos. I am not sure the scope of Bnei Esav -I thought it was only the christian world? I am not sure. But as far as coming from chaos, LOL that sounds about right LOLOLOL

One last note, its a pity for those who treat the ger with disdain or who look down on them. At least don't let the ger see your lack of derekh eretz. For no other reason than to spare them and not remove the glimmer in their eyes and the hope in their heart.

*I know one gioret, who came to a rav for conversion, but the rabbi said,"why don't you go to this 7th day Adventist church, they also rest on Saturday." With that she went to the 7th day Adventist church and worked her way all to way to the top. She became the pastor there. Then 20 years later,she had an accident with her eye and had to take time off to recuperate.

While resting she reflected and realize, this was not where she wanted to be. When she got better she went back to that shul, but the rabbi was no longer there. The new rabbi, after much questioning took her in. Sadly, she cries buckets about how she wished her children were born Jewish. Now, only one of her children also converted. Happy ending, she has since married a chossid and is celebrating her first Jewish grandson!

*I know another gioret who went to a seminary. There, so many people approached her and confided in her that they are also giores, so many she couldn't believe the amount. But no one dare share this fact with anyone else. Most will take this secret (this wonderful victory and beautiful turning point in their lives)to their grave, in order to protect themselves and their family from scorn.

*And don't even get me started on being black and Jewish and how some can't/won't believe that there are born black Jewish -yes, Orthodox. Even in that little circle there's issues....

The Egg by Rabbi Lazer Brody

2007-07-16T00:50:00.000-07:00

From Rabbi Lazer Brody's website...

Thursday, 12 July 2007
The Egg - Symbol of the Three Weeks
There's so much intrinsic wisdom within an egg, just like there is in all of Hashem's creatures and creations; all we have to do is to open our eyes and observe.

Eggs are closely tied to the "Three Weeks", the period between the 17th of Tammuz and the 9th of Av, or Tisha B'Av. This period is an annual time of mourning for the Jewish people because of all the calamaties that occurred throughout our history, most notably and tragic - the destruction of our First and Second Holy Temples in Jerusalem. Interestingly, hard-boiled eggs are the food that is fed to mourners, since the round egg represents the life cycle which is also round.

Most remarkable is that the period between the 17th of Tammuz and the 9th of Av consists of 21 days. The incubation span of an egg is - by no coincidence - 21 days. 21 is also the gematria of Hashem's Holy Name Ehye'h, which according to tradition is the Name that signifies personal Divine providence. This means that even our troubles are the product of Hashem's Divine providence, especially tailored to the minutest detail for our ultimate best.

At the completion of the 21 day cycle, the egg hatches and a baby chick - a new life - emerges. We too pray that at the termination of this difficult 21-day period, the new and eternal Holy Temple will emerge as well, shining Hashem's holy light to the far corners of the earth, amen.

Posted at 12:01 AM in Concepts in Judaism , Geula and redemption, Hashem's creations, Jewish history and tradition | Permalink | TrackBack (0)

The Battle Ground

2007-07-12T00:44:00.000-07:00

There seems to be a silent battle going on. Even a war. There are those who claim they are more pure, more holy,and just plain better then all and there are those who argue against it. What to do?

In light of the fact that its the three weeks, a time to mourn, to remember the Beit haMikdash, to perhaps...try to stop baseless hatred; In light of all this I pray that I can make a difference somewhere.

THE SCORE

The reality is right now that the formerly mentioned group, let's call them the "frummer than thou" has the upperhand. They got the other group, let's call them the "Oh no you ain't!" , running scared.

It first started with scare tactics, intimidation. Soon it seemed everyone was hiding and pretending to be more frum than they really are. Well, I can't say "everybody" but a good amount of people that I know anyway. And those who were able to break themselves and give up alot of things -whether it was halachically necesaary or not- to (hope to) fit the mold would be so broken, that it hurt or would live in fear that they may fall or would regretably fall into step of the "frummer than thou" legion.

The "Oh no you ain't" found retaliation by snickering, blogging it out, continuing to hide and have nothing to 'do with it' etc.

Now, i'm hearing and reading more outrageous things such as the 'ya gotta like cholent or else your not Jewish' concept -which I hope is simply a story not reported well; and then there's the whole goings on in Ramat Beit shemesh, not to mention others.

Quite honestly, the 'frummer than thou' has got the upperhand.

BALANCING THE SCALE

If I could boldly give any kind of advice to the "Oh no you ain't" side, i'd say stop the snickering, stop the blogging, no more hiding. Remember the true Jewish weapon! Remember ahavat Hashem, yirat shamayim, Torah, prayer, middot, derekh eretz. don't look left or right, keep trying and living your best.

You see, the whole reason I call the other team the "No it ain't!" because its all mostly retaliatory and not its own stance. Its like a team with a defense but no offense.

WINNING THE WAR

One thing that I suspect could help to win the war is a focus. Refocusing the attention towards yirat shamayim and away from the fear of man that the intimidation tactics brought on.

I suppose that's one advantage of being black. No matter where I go, I know someone is going to think, "what does she know?!" So, it makes that I feel like i'm starting from a negative. But then when I can -with G-d's help- show that I do know a thing or two its great! But when I err, I say, "hey, i'm a simple Jew!"

This "i'm a simple Jew!" attitude is a great weapon because it fights against the ego.

THE REAL BATTLE

I think the real battle going on is not really against people or a group of people, but against the ego. Arrogance, chutzpah, Ego, and the leader being Anger are all armed to the teeth! Its up to the little guys, the little Dovid haMelechim, the sweet wonderful Jewish fellas and gals who by their roused love of Hashem came to do His givin mitzvot and eventually came to yirat Shamayim; its up to all of us to summon our legions: humility, love, modesty, our caring for others, with the leading middot being our Awe to fight and win!

HOPE FOR THE FUTURE

Please G-d, I pray that humility wins over arrogance. That people learn that we really need each other. Sometimes I wonder, if people could all become goyim for a day (chas v'shalom) just to see how the world views the Jewish people, maybe then we'd all see how much what we have is beautiful and how much we need each other.

8 Fun Facts/ Habits about Me

2007-07-10T14:21:00.000-07:00

The Rules:

Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves.The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged.

8 FUN FACTS/ HABIT ABOUT ME...

8. I am really into personality spotting. I don't know why. I read and re-read about the Enneagram ad nausum, then got Miriam Adahan's book, Awareness and studied that. Well, in the end, I think it helped me to know myself better and do better in my marriage!

7. I have a really huge imagination. Or maybe used to. I would entertain my brother and sister and friends with stories upon stories. When they got older they repeated the stories back to me, I hadn't a clue what they were talking about! I'd forgotten most of them.

6. My first ever drunk experience was a litle after marriage. I felt safe with my husband, Micha and finally felt okay to "lose control". All I remember was the walls looking tilted, my constantly asking hubby, "do you still love me?" and the bathroom.

5. I was such a nerd in High School. Sometimes, I never took off my coat (LOL) and I was always reading these huges books -novels (Anybody read "Broken Promises"?)

4. When Stan Lee was at the helm, I was gaga over anything x-man (uncanny x-man, x-factor, x-force) I almost drooled over cross-overs.

3. I used to work as a 411 operator while in college. I still can't get the "...city and state?" out of my head. One lesson from that job that I still use is to give a "confident not found". As in, "I 'm sorry sir, but there is no listing." Sometimes I have to rouse myself to saying things more confidently. "I understand that you got the number yesterday, but I'm sorry sir, there is NO LISTING!"

2. Somehow I can remember telephone numbers, numbers in general, pretty well.

AND LASTLY...

1. I Love being my kid's mom! Its hard work being a mommy but I love watching them grow and develop, and play, and ask and talk and repeat. Everything the children do makes me want to hug them so much.....well, most things...okay okay some things.

okay, now i tag 8 others...

Ohr Bahir, Hochma u-musar, former room-mate: Fiber ArtChic, Am Kshe Oref, 90th minute, Juggling Frog, ClooJew, Sara with no H, And...Mata Hari

OmaGoodness, I've been Tagged!

2007-07-10T00:12:00.000-07:00

I've been tagged by Jacob Da Jew! How exciting! I'm such a beginner! What do I do? Should I go this way? no wait, maybe that way? wait, let me pose; Pictures! *smiles* okay okay, I better calm down. I know, I'll grab my purse stuffed full with old shopping receipts and go shopping, that'll give me a chance to think!

*Smiles*

Jacob da Jew, thanks for the tag. I have to read up on this from my heroins, (i.e. Rebel with a cause, and Little Frumhouse on the Prairie )and post soon.

Just a thought...

2007-07-10T00:10:00.000-07:00

How to change people's attitude? A small idea....

I wonder if someone had to guts to make a school and in the school they taught the Jewish children that we are all working towards something- a common goal that was so big and beautiful that it took all of klal Yisrael to do. The Yeshivishe guy is honing the Oral Torah (let's say) while the chassidishe guy is teaching the spirit how to soar, whereas the sephardim.......(so on and so on)

Maybe this way, from youth, people will see that its all part of the same "tower" we are building.

Parashat Balak .....My (humble) take

2007-07-08T11:31:00.001-07:00

Hi all,

Its a bit late but I wanted to recount a wonderful dvar Torah that I heard. Unfortunately, I don't know the lady's name who said it, nor where she got it from. I'll do better with my sources next time!

*******

As we all know, in parashat Balak, Bilaam tries his darnest to curse. However each time he opens his mouth, he says good things about Bnei Yisrael. Somehow, Bilaam knew that at a certain hour in the day Hashem allows His "anger" so to speak to manifest, and it was that precise moment that Bilaam was waiting for so that he could make his curses. Knowing this, Hashem chose not to be angry those few days. Thus Bilaam's plan was thwarted.

At the end of the parasha (or later) Bilaam tells Balak, 'if you wanna get the Jews....send the women!" basically. It wasn't exactly that but to that effect.

Sure enough, the Jews get drawn in. Even Zimri, a tribal leader is taken and has the chutzpah to take his midianite woman into his camp in broad daylight in front of Moshe Rabeinu.

And so it goes, Pinchas comes to the rescue and slays the both of them, thereby ending a plague that came as a result of their sins.

Why, after all this wonderful, glorious words about the Jewish people did they have to fall to such lowly lustful wonts?

The answer was that because Hashem did n't put forth din /judgement in the world, there was abundant rachamim /mercy and abundant chessed /kindness. So Bilaam couldn't, or no one could, speak badly of the Jewish people. However, Bilaam was wise and he knew that too much chessed = too much giving. (A lady that gives and gives and gives too much eventually becomes a prostitute). Using this, Bilaam advised Balak, 'send the women' because with all the chessed flowing, luring someone towards lewdness was not hard.

"Wait" I asked, "But why didn't Pinchas and Moshe, and others get taken?"

Some said those who perished were already destined to perish, some said something else. But it still bothered me. Because I wanted to protect myself should something happen, no?

I thought about and this is the answer I came up with....

Rebbi Nachman of Breslov taught that we should try to be happy or in good spirits as much as we can. However, we should take at least one hour (or less?) to really talk to Hashem, and to really apologize for the wrongs we did, and to feel remorse, and to want to do better, and to ask for guidance and help to do better. Then, be in good spirits again.

In other words, bring on your own judgement on your head, then bring on kindness to yourself. In this way, your not too "dependent" on what's happening in the world and you are balanced with the proper din and chessed going on in your life. I think something like this would have prevented many from falling in the Pinchas story.

This is totally my take.

(NOT SO SHORT) STORY : PART 3

2007-07-04T00:14:00.000-07:00

The once cozy little room with shirts that hung from the shower curtain pole, and toothbrushes and toothpaste all scatter on the bathroom countertop, and suitcases full of clothes strung about the bedroom/living room floor had now returned back to the cold, non personal air-conditioned hotel room.

The tourists, who had not long ago watched in amazement at a frum Jewish lady as she defended her family against a thief, had all packed up their belongings and were preparing to head back to the States. Except for one guy.

"Jeremy, your not packed up yet? We gotta leave soon, what's the matter?"

Jeremy just couldn't get himself to pack. He had realized that in all his stay in Israel, he hadn't gotten off the tourist path and never really saw Israel, its people, what life is like, etc. Also, he was too curious about the lady who had tripped up a thief with a fighting stick. He had never seen anyone do such a thing -much less a Jew. Jeremy wanted to stick around and learn more.

"Well, guys. I think I want to stay just a few more days. I want to see more of Israel"

"Have it your way," they replied as they headed out the door, "give us a call when you come back!"

And with that, Jeremy began his new stay alone in this new country. He felt a bit excited. To think that he planned to go off the beaten tourist path and to dwell among the "natives". He smiled.

'Wait a second, I better not stay in this hotel alone. It'll be too expensive for me' He thought. So he quickly shoved all his belongings in his suitcase and headed out.

The air was different now. It felt.....adventuresome and inviting. After turning in the keys and walking outside, he stopped the first guy on the street.

"Hey, do you know of any youth hostels?"

"ma?"

"Uh, oh! uh, do you speak English?"

"eh, ktzat" The stranger called someone eles over who knew English and they directed him to a youth hostel in the Old City.

"Toda. Toda rabba....uh thank you" He repied. boy, its not going to be easy, he thought, as he went towards the Old City ready for the adventure.

TO BE CONTINUED...

My Soap Box and Hope Box

2007-07-03T23:45:00.000-07:00

It is a delight for me to report my re-newed great joy and hope for klal Yisrael.

Let me explain.

I (not so) recently went to a shiur a while ago for chinnuch. Sitting nice and snug and waiting for the class to begin, I imagined they'd talk about children, discipline, maybe a kiddie story or two. I even hoped I could interject with a story of my own little ones.

So, the class began. Well and good, but as it progressed, the topic became pride in yiddishkeit. To prove how proud one ought to be, the rabbi began to use words like shiksa, shaygitz, and even the dreaded shvartze!

Much to my consternation, no one batted an eye.

Don't get me wrong. I knew such things were said. It just seemed so much more harsh to actually see someone -someone seemingly so well loved- saying such things. I wasn't sure how to react. So I raised my hand and said as much.

Apparently, they (the rabbi and the class) didn't know how to react to me. So, there we all were. Nobody knowing how to react to the other one. I wished I could torpedo out of the class and land davening / praying at the Kotel and pretend like this never happened. But there it was, and there I was.

**** **** ****

A few days later the rabbi called and apologized. I said no problem. But it did leave a hole in my heart. Truthfully, I had been bother a bit by some of the -I dare say- arrogance or behavior of superiority by certain people in the chareidi circles. It was not just directed at the goyim, but towards other jews as well. But I didn't know what to do with it so I swept it under the rug.

However, it all hit home, so to speak, once I heard the word "shiksa". That could've only meant that all the other "shlurs" were not too far off. Sure enough, it happened.

At first it felt like a slap in the face in a negative way. Then after much crying, contemplating, crying, Torah studying, studying my favorite Likutey Moharan, crying, davening, and crying some more, it became a slap in the face in a positive way.

It help me to see behind the superiority complex into the true insecurities that people had, it help me to repel from wanting to "fit in so badly" to only wanting to do Hashem's will and not worry too much about people, cuz, they's some crazy folks out there!

All in all, baruch Hashem, I think it made me a better, stronger person.
*** **** *** ****

After all this, I started surfing for blogs, religious or Jewish oriented blogs. Much to my joy, I found many other people in the blogoshere who are also tired of the superiority complex and yet they are still trying to be religious and righteous, etc.

This means, not everyone is caught up in that "i'm frummer than you" business. Now the trick is to know who's who....

Nachman Meuman Jews dancing at Zion Square in Jerusalem

2007-06-26T00:50:00.001-07:00

Sample Na nachim dancing

If I Had A Shekel Everytime....

2007-06-25T09:22:00.000-07:00

If I had a shekel every time a car honked out the Beep-beep...beep-beep-beep....beep-beep- beep-beep....beep-beep melody, I'd be rich!

If I had a shekel every time the loud speaker car-guy goes driving around the neighborhood reporting news, a new place to give tzadakah, or some sandal sale, i'd be rich!

If I had a shekel every time two Israeli driver argued over who has right of way, i'd be rich! Don't get me wrong in this one. People argue here ferociously, but take nothing to heart. In a heartbeat, if the one arguing fell down, the other would be the first to pick him up.

If I had a shekel every time a cell phone (called pelephone here) sang a melody other than a typical phone ring, i'd be rich! I don't think i've every heard the typical phone ring, except from my own pelephone.

If I had a shekel every time a child gave the quick-and-multiple-one-shoulder-shrug, i'd be rich!

If I had a shekel every time I saw a Na-Nacher (as in na- nach- nachma- nachman meUman: a fringe group from the breslov movement) dancing about, i'd be rich!

If I had a shekel every time a Lubavitcher would give out candy at the park to kids who recited some pasuk, i'd be rich! But that happens only on shabbat.

Oy vey, if I had a shekel every time I had a shyla/question for a rabbi, i'd definitely be rich!

If I had a shekel every time I heard someone pleading to the bus driver to "wait a minute!" i'd be rich!

If I had a shekel every time the books store owner said, "ok ok, I'll give you a discount!" when all I asked was, "how much is this?" i'd be rich!

If I had a shekel every time a total stranger allowed us to stay at their house for shabbat since they were away, i'd be rich!

Oh Hashem!

(baruch Hashem!)

SHORT STORY PART 2

2007-06-24T23:37:00.000-07:00

The tourists car sped up to the chase. By then the lady running as fast as she could, tichel flaying in the wind, her stick held up in the air and poised, had almost caught up to the thief who had snatched her purse a few seconds ago.

This mysterious black Jew threw her stick at the thief's legs and sent him flying to the ground. Quickly regaining his composure, the thief fled the scene, leaving the purse behind.

The lady's oldest daughter, who was about eight, finally caught up and grabbed the purse on the ground for her mother, they were both out of breath and paced about catching their breath and absorbing what had just happened. Her other daughter was catching up with the stroller.

As the religious lady turned, she noticed the car. A bunch of gawking guys looking at her and her family. There was a moment of eye contact. One of the tourist put down his video camera and tried to give the lady a nervous, but supportive smile, but the lady had turned away already. She was already regrouping herself -making sure no hair was showing, that her two girls' shirts were properly tucked in, that the sticks she and her daughter had once held up in bold defiance of the thief was refolded and tucked away in the home-made side pocket of the stroller.

Then, with the girls back into position on each side of the stroller, she dissappeared around a corner as if nothing had happened.

"Hey man, do you believe this!" One of the guys said.
"Its too much! What Yiddishkeit coming to! The other said.
"I wonder who she is" Said the camera holder.
"Who cares! Whoever she is we got it on camera!" The two guys high fived each other and shouted victory cries.

The camera holder was pensive. He resolved in his mind to find out more about this family...

TO BE CONTINUED...

I Belong!

2007-06-23T23:09:00.000-07:00

I Belong!

What a nice feeling! To finally realize and feel whole heartedly that I belong! And what group is that? Its the group of Jews that just don't fit ANYWHERE! Not fitting into any prepackaged grouping, the only group left is the misfitted anomalies group. So there. Its a bit of a relief to think that I need not keep searching for my place anymore. Now I can settle and be content with what I have/ what I am.