Saturday, October 06, 2007

Numbers at Play; From a TWO Perspective

Trying to be a mom, a wife, a frum person, even, is hard work. Many times I wondered why I struggled with certain things. Why was it that my mom was so able to always have three hot meals a day for the family, work a full time job, and still manage to keep the house together?! Why couldn't I do it? She's my mom!

And why was I having issues with hubby? What proper marriage books should I read? All these questions bothered me as I forged on with life trying over and over again to make things right. Until I discovered the enneagram!

LOL I know that sounds like a commercial. But for me, it really helped. I finally understood why my ONE mom was so efficient with her time and so productive! I also understood why she wasn't so generous with the hugs, etc. I always knew that she loved us kids but she just wasn't the hugging type. Instead she displayed her affection in other ways, such as giving each person their favorite part of the chicken when that was served (oh mom!), taking us on outings, or things like that. I really appreciate her.

I wished I knew about this enneagram business long ago. I went to all kinds of Jewish marriage books, Men Are from Mars books, etc. But somehow I just couldn't figure marriage and make it work. (I naively thought, nobody argues in a 'perfect' marriage!). However, I really understood myself and my husband much better after Miriam Adahan's Awareness book.

Now, I try not to expect my husband to know what I want /need -automatically! lol. TWOs have a tendency to not take care of themselves because they are too busy taking care of others. Then when their needs get to the point of urgency, they're all upset and angry at the world for not caring! LOL. So, I learned. I also learned not to feel shocked at how "little" someone wants to give (of time, money, effort, etc) because everyone gives the way they can. (I also learned to not be overbearing with my help. To only help when its asked or after my offer has been accepted.)

I also realized why I appreciate my FOUR sister so much. FOURs can be so non-judgemental. I feel I can tell her lots of things and not have it haunt me later lol. We always seem to have very deep conversations -and very soon into our dialogs too. Also TWOs, THREEs, and FOURs all are emotional types. THREEs suppress their emotions to succeed, TWOs and FOURs feel them very much.

TWOs also tend to be very protective. That also explains why, once I get attached someone, I usually end up dreaming about me protecting them in some kind of way. Ah. Interesting stuff.


Ehav Ever said...

I have to give you credit. You always find the most interesting self analysis tools. I am going to have to have my cousins analyze me based on this. Thanks for sharing.

I could have used this in my Self-Image posts. I still have one more so I am going to see if I can use this.

Miriam said...

I hope you find it useful! I found it to be such a key help to self realization.

Jacob Da Jew said...

Interesting post.

I feel the same way about the Enneagram. It makes my personal life much clearer.

I'm not a big fan at all of Adahan.

I read the books put out by Richard Riso, he's alot more nutruel than Adahan and he is also the premier authority on the E, after Gurjideff.

Adahan seems to be antagonistic towards certain personalities, like the 6.

I didn't like her tone at all. She isn't supposed to superimpose her own feelings on the E.

Miriam said...

JDJ - I hear you. I also think number 8 wasn't really developed in the book. but I do like that it has a Jewish spin. Right now its all I have. I also go to the website by Russo.

Tania said...

Wow! sometimes I think it's a haitian mother thing not to give hugs, so many of my friends/cousins say the same thing about their mothers. You are right though she showed love in different ways, hugs would have been nice though, they mean the world sometimes. I make sure to hug my kids alot!

I will check out the ennegram (sp?) some more, cool insights.

Ehav Ever said...

Me and my mother never hugged a lot, but I always knew that she loved me. The way I knew was because she had a really good sense of humor. We still make jokes when we talk.

Mother Laura said...

I'm a Two, too! And have also found the Enneagram to be very illuminating in relationships and self-understanding.

Have you ever used the Myers-Briggs personality system? It is a nice balance to the Enneagram. You might be an NF -- the most relational time -- since you are a two but there is no exact correspondence. I am an ENFJ...

Asalie said...

Great work.